The Stylish Vegan

Hola, Vegan Nation, the lovely weekend is upon us and The Stylish Vegan is ready to cut loose. But first, sartorial duty calls. Before the vegan beer flows and the fab veg Mexican food is served, TSV must enhance your knowledge of all that is vegan style – even on the weekend. You’re welcome.

I received an email recently from a dandy Veganisto named George who presented TSV with a rather kick-ass website for vegan ties. An accessory that is seriously difficult to find in our animal happy world that not only looks chic but excludes the shit of silkworms.

Well, gang, check this out:

These wonderful satin and cotton creations come from Jann J – purveyor of insanely beautiful vegan ties. It’s a selection that these veteran style-seeking veganoid eyes has never seen. Spend some time on the site. Go ahead, we’ll wait right here.

See, just like TSV said – a pretty fucking great selection, right? Thanks again to George of the Vegan Nation for that fantastic five star tip!

Now The Stylish One must run and get into something stylish and sassy for a Saturday evening out. Adios, amigos!

The 12 Days (actually 11) of Partying have officially come to a close, Vegan Nation and let it be known The Stylish Vegan cocktailed like an old pro. Drinks flowed (or is it flew?) daily, and in the evenings, and well into every night. TSV, MSV and our dear, dear visiting friend, Ms. Coco, ripped through the Emerald City. And, veganistos, those lovely ladies know their libations.

So now, let the post-holiday consumerism commence, gangstas! After the blur of the 12 Days, The Stylish Vegan decided I should treat myself to a few new items. Taking my inspiration from MSV and Ms. Coco, who shopped their wonderful hearts out, I decided retail was calling moi too. TSV is in desperate need of new belts to accompany my pre-holiday purchases. And thank the Lord Almighty BMW God for a fantastic resource to find these leatherless pant-holderuppers.

When The Stylish One is seeking quick answers to my retail questions, I turn to this very website. That’s right. As crazy as it sounds (and yes, I am loony at times) I forgot to check my own cyber blog for advice. And you know what, vegheads? I found the answers I sought. “Dear Stylish Vegan, thank you very much for your wonderful website!”-TSV.

Ok, enough with the self-luvin’ and on to the belts which I purchased through, you got it, Vegetarian Belts.com. This is my first experience ordering from these non-leather-lovers since I usually find all my beltage elsewhere. But they have a kickass collection of Truth belts and that touched my longing heart.

Ain’t they just gorgeous, Rhett? Yes, ma’am. Of course, what good is buying new belts without sparkling new clothes to accompany them? Alright, so TSV did buy a few extra items – BR was having a huge sale. I put my feelings on hold (funny how discounts can win you over) and grabbed some garb. But more on that tomorrow.

Words of wisdom from you hero, The Stylish Vegan: buying clothing and accessories makes a person pretty damn happy!

Today’s VegNews Frivolous Celeb of the Day is gracing our pages for no other reason than MSV, Ms. Coco and TSV, made absolute sport of her all weekend. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Julia (annoying) Roberts.

Fabulous! Of course, you will recall the obnoxious one in a post a bit back on these very pages. “Oh, Chahhlie!”

See y’all tomorrow.

The time has arrived, Vegan Nation, for The Stylish Vegan to upgrade his business cell phone. While superb functionability is key when conducting one’s entire business from a little handheld device, what good is it if it doesn’t look great too?

There’s the old Motorola e815 heading into retirement. It’s been a fantastic phone, one of the best ever made, I’m told. But times change, needs change, the Moto goes out to pasture. Actually, it will be recycled somewhere and put to good use so don’t get all high and mighty on TSV, alright?

So what does one replace the workhorse of all phones with? Awesome question, vegheads! After days of exhausting and excruciating research, the decision has been made. Veganistos, here’s The Stylish Vegan’s new phone:

It’s the LG Voyager. Isn’t it superstylin? And, in addition to its handsomeness, it’s a wondrous phone. Everything I need wrapped up in a tidy, slick little package. What could be better? Well, it opens up too and has a full keyboard. Now TSV can rapidly fire text anywhere. How beautiful!

Now I’m sure a lot of my darling readers are wondering why this unbelievably hyped device wasn’t on my list.

Yep, it’s the iphone. “Wait a minute, TSV, don’t you do everything on a Mac?” Uh-huh. Just about everything. “So what gives, traitor?” Wow, such strong language! Here’s what gives, veganoids, Verizon wouldn’t let me get an iphone. And, since our entire group is running the Verizon network, being forced into an incredibly inferior carrier such as AT&T just for some cool gadgetry didn’t make much sense. (Although it was seriously considered – can you blame me?)

Not only that, costs were involved. Remember, it’s one thing to spend like a sailor and look the fashionisto, it’s quite another to pull it off on a budget. Vegan Nation, if there’s one thing The Stylish Vegan knows, it’s how to look smashing with minimal cash outlay. Since it was time to renew the contract with the king of all cell networks, TSV was eligible for a free phone or discount toward a better phone, i.e. the Voyager. Add some online discounts and rebates and voila! a fab new phone has come my way.

So after being forced into choosing the LG, I asked Mr. Internet what he thought of the two. Here’s a comparison of all the features side by side. You can even vote for our fave. As of today, the Voyager seems to be enjoying a fairly decent lead. Who woulda thunk? As for all those saying (come on, you know who you are) that LG copied the iphone, au contraire mon amis. It appears that the media darling iphone sought ideas from this LG model debuting over two years ago.

Yes, it is the coolest looking phone in history, no doubt. It’s also a joint venture betwixt LG and Prada. This is the phone TSV would die for. But, alas, vegheads, it’s not available to Verizon customers. Well, and also the price, it’s a bit much for a talking device, right Mr. Bell?

That brings us to today’s VegNews Frivolous Celeb of the Day! So let’s keep with today’s theme, “phoney”, and hone in on a true “phony”, Ms. Marie Osmond.

According to our pals at TMZ, there’s a good chance Marie faked her fainting spell on some shitty show called, “Dancing with the Stars”. I guess she’s considered one of the “stars”. According to TMZ: “A source said that Marie had a writer on-set feeding her lines and even fed her lines when she got up after her fake faint.”

How wonderful! What do you expect from someone who drives a Prius? Once a phony, always a phony.

And a dapper dude he was! Yes, vegan nation, The Stylish Vegan is tackling the 7th of the Holiest Commandments in the monthly bible of fashion, GQ. While there are those out in cyber world who don’t give a rat’s ass about which tie to wear with their tux, you might as well stick around for the fun anyway. You got something better to do?

For all those other veganistos who may have to attend a formal event or wedding, this blog’s for you. Moving along, here’s GQ’s Seventh:

Thou shalt wear the right tie with the right tux.

In GQ’s words: Two points to remember: (1) A bow tie goes best with a peak-lapel tuxedo, while a straight tie works better with a notch lapel. (2) Regardless of what kind of tie you’re wearing, make sure the fabric matches the lapel. If your lapel is grosgrain, your tie should be grosgrain. If your lapel is satin, your tie should be satin. And one more thing: Your tie (no matter its shape) should be black. Colored ties are for the prom.

In TSV’s words: If you actually know the difference between a peak-lapel and notch lapel, you’re quite awesome. Match accordingly. Otherwise, just wear a bow tie. Always match the tie to the lapel. Never, ever, ever wear a clip-on (Do people really do that?) Colored ties are for Halloween, only. Young vegans, be stunning at your prom and follow these rules. Let the jackasses wear the colors.

Good news: tuxedo ties are usually always vegan. Hell, tuxedos are usually vegan as well, even the shoes. TSV thinks the original designer of the tux was a closet vegan. That part’s pretty easy. The lapel thing on the other hand…well, here’s a quick tux primer at Milroy’s Tuxedos. Believe me, you will be the shit if you show up in the proper tie. Men and ladies alike will flash the loveliest of smiles. I remember when I…Oh, sorry, I was getting a bit nostalgic.

Now let’s address the whole clip-on thing. Why? Well, apparently, some people out there actually wear these hideous things – ouch! Get a real bow tie and tie it, yes, tie yourself, or have someone help you. Don’t know how to do it? That’s what The Stylish Vegan is here for, darling vegans. Below is a very boring video but a great primer on doing the deed.

I told you it was boring. But useful as hell. This mannequin bust with no head must be going to a really formal event with that white bow tie. There are also many charts and diagrams available if the video doesn’t cut it for you. Google “tie bow tie” and presto! you got graphics galore.

Aright, another veganized commandment performed lovingly by The Stylish Vegan. That brings us to our daily feature, the VegNews Frivolous Celeb of the Day.

That’s right – it’s Halle Berry the darling recycler of ecorazzi. Apparently, Ms. Berry is so bitten by the recycling bug, she’s decided she needs help sorting it all. Not to worry, a baby Berry is on the way! It won’t be long til the little tyke knows the difference between the bottle and plastic bins!

Luckily for The Stylish Vegan, since I am sooooo incredibly pressed for time this eve, GQ’s 6th Commandment of Style, I already covered in a previous posts. Coincidence or am I just a psylly psychic? (It might be good to mention here that yesterday’s headline was a play on words – Hipocracy: when attention seeking hipster celebrities are hypocrites. Get it? So calm down everyone!)

No time to waste – on to the Sixth Commandment:

Thou shalt put your wallet on a diet

In GQ’s words: Your wallet should not be as fat as a burrito. In fact, you should get rid of your wallet and, while you’re at it, trash all the receipts, video cards, and other unnecessary crap that’s stuffed in it. Buy an elegant, slim leather credit card holder and stock it with your essential cards. Then, fold your cash in a money clip. All that other nonsense can go in your desk drawer. You don’t need it.

In TSV’s words: Your wallet should not be as fat as a tasty vegan burrito from Chipotle. Get rid of the fucking thing. Buy a slim non leather credit card holder and money clip. Simple. As my chiropractor said, “All you need is a hundred dollar bill and a credit card”. Best advice my lower back has ever gotten.

The Stylish One wrote about this very pressing issue two months back. You can read all the titillating details here. The same holds true today. Isn’t that amazing. Nothing has changed in my critical opinion of animal-friendly wallets in the past 60 days! Incredible!

So, vegan nation, there is a two-fold (Goddam, I’m funny on Fridays) veganization being performed upon this commandment. First, the skin that was ripped from the cow or horsey, easily veganized. Second, the health issue, since TSV is concerned about each and every one of you. We need you to be strong when we take over the culinary establishments of this country and beyond. Switch to slim and, presto, instant veganization, happy back.

I will leave you with our VegNews Frivolous Celeb of the Day. Have a fabulistic weekend, veganoids!!

Nice one, Sharon. Really nice. Anyone have PETA’s number handy? Bitch!

Well, Vegan Nationalists, we’re ready for numero cinco on the list of The Stylish Vegan’s amazing vegadaptation of GQ’s Ten Commandments. It seems like only yesterday I was writing about tailoring. Oh, how time flies when you are ignored by your ex-favorite vegan magazine. No time for whining, kids, there’s vegan stylin’ to be done. No. 5:

Thou shalt not wear a tie that is too slim

In GQ’s words: Unless you’re a hard-core fashion guy who favors a superskinny tie, stick with one that measures about three inches at its widest point. It will be narrower than traditional ties, but not by too much. Tie one on and you’ll look modern and sophisticated.

In TSV’s words: Stay far away from superskinny Romantics-style ties and get one sorta skinny. Traditional ties suck and they’re mostly made of vegan unfriendly silk. Tie a alternative material one on and you’ll be lookin’ the shit!

Veganistos, this one is challenging but believe you me (whatever that means) The Stylish One is up to this insanely daunting task. As I’m sure you know from your last visit to Barney’s, ties are made from the tortuous enslavement of silkworms. Alright, carnies and dairy/egg/leather wearing types known to the world as vegetarians, the superior intelligentsia of vegans dictates an empathy for all animals, so quit rolling your fucking eyes.

One way to go, which can be rewarding if you’re into treasure hunting, is a vintage clothing shop. Let’s get something straight right now, TSV is not under any circumstances suggesting that you go to a, come on, TSV, you can say it, a, a…thrift shop. There, I said it. We’re talking vintage here, with the adjective quality in front of it. Got it?

So a quick trip to Mr. Internet reveals this gem of a site, Rusty Zipper. Here’s a black rayon number that fits the bill perfectly.

Or for a little more excitement and pizazz:

I could pretty much go on all day at this site but I’ll let you darling veganistos venture into the thousands of ties available at this fab cyber store. But please remember, TSV will not be the least bit happy or willing to invite you to next year’s unmissable Rocktoberfest, if your inner desires get the best of you and your tie ends up skinnier than 2.5 or more than 3.5 inches. Then, I’m afraid, we have a problem.

Vintage ain’t your thang, ok, here are some high-end non-silk designer ties that might make you jump for excitement, if you got the dough that is. Try Tie Deals, on the web. Armani, Dolce Gabbana, Borrelli…stop it, stop it! TSV is getting way, way too excited about this. Amazing what those names do to your hero of style.

And lest we forget our dear, dear veganoid online pals at Pangea, who offer a small but stylish selection of cotton ties. (They also have hemp ties but, hello, do I even need to comment on that?) .

Veganheads, The Stylish Vegan has kicked major ass today. Now you have absolutely no excuse to step out in the crazy carn world in animalistic neckware. Consider the Fifth Commandment officially veganized!

And now on to our gratutitous VegNews Frivolous Celeb of the Day. Today we are fortunate enough to have the darling of green, the princess of veganism, Ms. Natalie Portman. Here’s our wonderful “convenient” vegan whoring herself out in Japan for who knows how many millions, to push shampoo from the evil empire of Unilever.

How sweeeeetttt!! I would love to have my cats watch it too but it seems that the company that PETA has pursued for years for horrifying animal testing leaves a sour taste in their little feline mouths. I guess when describing Natalie as “green”, we’re really just talking about the color of money. Good job, girlfriend!

“Hallelujah! My pink cashmere socks will surely save the world from global warming!”

Or maybe not. Especially when the dancin’ fool (and The Stylish Vegan means, fool) does not follow the fourth of GQ’s Commandments:

Thou shalt match your socks with your suit

In GQ’s words:  When choosing socks, the basic rule is to consider the suit instead of the shoe—in other words, if you’re wearing a navy suit with black shoes, reach for navy socks. And when wearing a light suit, make sure the socks are darker than the suit but a shade or so lighter than the shoes.

In TSV’s words: Just do what they say here, it ain’t that difficult. Well, maybe for Travolta Ron Hubbard it is. Just make sure whatever you do, veganoids, make, absolutely, positively, 100% sure that they cover your calf. Nothing looks tackier and PWT than seeing some blanched out, hairy skin when crossing your vegan legs.

Alright, I realize this was an incredibly easy commandment to veganize. I’m not stupid – well, not always, certainly not Travolta-like dense. But it’s one that is important to follow. Fabric-wise, they’re pretty much all vegan, above photo excluded, these days. And, vegan nation, you can buy them anywhere and on the cheap. Look for the “over the calf” pairs and puhleasse avoid the hideous hosiery-like thick ‘n thins.

Aren’t they cute?  Easy enough, right kids? Great, on to the bonus section of today’s entry.

After my disbelief at yesterday’s VegNews’ choice for Blog of the Year (And believe me it took more vegan alcohol than you can imagine to erase it from my every thought) The Stylish Vegan has decided to add a ridiculously, irrelevant photo of a celebrity. You heard me right. That seems to be what even the holiest of vegan mags seems to crave. So every day I’ll be ending each entry with a fab paparazzi-esque photo or YouTube video of a famous type for no reason other than to satisfy the the publication’s mania of ass-kissing them. Then maybe we can get the attention we vegan fashionistos deserve.

So without further delay, and keeping with today’s John Travolta theme, here’s our first installment in the exciting new segment, “VegNews’ Frivolous Celebrity Daily Pic”:

He’s so fucking adorable!

As you can tell by this beauty, The Stylish Vegan must be talking about watches…again. That’s right, kiddos, we’re on to numero tres:

Thou shalt invest in the right timepiece.

In GQ’s words: Buy a high-quality stainless-steel watch. It looks as right with jeans as it does with your best blazer.

In TSV’s words: Buy a knock-off stainless-steel watch or a brand nobody’s ever heard of. It will look smashing!

Alright, I know we’ve pretty much covered this subject in the past in Watch It Pt. I and Pt. II. But since we’ve decided, well I guess I’ve decided, to veganize the 10 Commandments, it’s apropos. And the great thing about it is that stainless steel watches are inherently vegan! Isn’t this wonderful?

You’re all well aware of my affinity for replica watches and the excitement upon the birth of our child, the Breitling.

Oh the sweet, sweet joy it has given TSV over the past couple of months. It’s big, it’s heavy, it’s ostentatious, it’s in your face. But it’s oh so cool. It certainly gets noticed and lends a bit of assholeness to you darling friend and mentor. And who doesn’t want to be an asshole sometimes in this carnivorous world? A taste of their own demi-glace medicine, if you will.

They’re everywhere: ebay, The Rack, TJ Maxx, all have discounted watches. And, of course, if you happen to be in a big city, you might find one right on the street – just make sure it looks fab and actually works.

If you want to go the ebay route, TSV has a couple of pointers. There are a shitload of really cheap-ass stainless steel watches. I bought one for $3.99 – that’s right, $3.99. It works great, looks fine but it’s certainly not on par with the heavy-duty Breitling knock-off. It ain’t gonna impress no one, if you know what I mean. It’s also illegal in ebay world to sell counterfeit, replicas, etc. Ah, but that doesn’t mean they’re not out there. Take some time to browse and you just may find that “Men’s Stainless Steel Watch – Used” knock-off that you crave. Ok, so maybe you don’t crave it but I do.

There you go – three commandments completely and totally veganified, vegheads and seven more on tap. I gotta say, we’re kickin’ major ass here!

The Stylish Vegan has made an important discovery, carnivorous backwoods dumbos with gelled up hair are the only ones who wear idiotic neck wear. And I’m not talking about your Bugs Bunny tie, alright, you have your own special place. You’ve seen these imbeciles every time you turn on a Major League baseball game. They’re lousy with ‘em. And we’re not talking bling here homies, we’re talking this bullshit.

TSV was subjected to a MLB playoff game (who watches this shit?) a few nights ago. With the exception of the NY Yankees who for some reason seem to display themselves with some sort of class, the rest of these morons all sported some variation of these necklaces. Whatever happen to the gold, the platinum, the crucifix with diamonds? Where’s Reggie Jackson? Oh, he doesn’t play anymore? Well, he fucking should. You wouldn’t see Mr. October wearing this hideousness.

It goes something like this, veganoids, there seems to be a direct correlation between white trashdom, meat eaters with gelled hair and this atrocious neckwear. I know the vegan world and while we are all highly educated individuals (I know that’s a stretch but I’m on a roll), you don’t see this sort of ugliosity on our veggie munching throats.

Don’t let The Stylish Vegan down! Never, ever, ever wear anything remotely similar to what is pictured above. Really, never! I’m not joking here. Something this important is not a laughing matter. And further, if you see someone heading into Olive Garden (who else would go there?) donning this shit with their hair full of gel and, you know it, their shirt untucked, please take a deep breath and call our special friend in to get all brass-knuckly on their asses.

Now doesn’t that feel better!

I promised a while back that I would write a bit more about the fab clothing site, Bourgeois Boheme. And while I am improving my “keeping promises” rate to about 80% these days, I thought, “let’s do it, TSV, let’s do it!” If I sound excited (or at least the words give the impression that I’m thrilled), you, dear vegan friends, are absolutely correct. I really like this site.

“Stylish Vegan Shoes and Fashion Accessories at Last!” is the phrase that greets you on the homepage. Those are exactly the types of words The Stylish Vegan loves to see when entering a fashion site. No fishing around, no hunting (funny how we use carnivorous, animal-killing words in everyday language. Did I say, funny? I meant demented) you know going in what this joint is all about. And it doesn’t disappoint, at all.

I would love to show you products that I think are fabu at the site but time is not on my side this evening. Check it out on your own. Come on, you can do it. Just follow the link, it’s all there.

“Welcome to our site which proves that you do not have to forego style for a compassionate lifestyle.” Isn’t that just grand, veganites? Did those words roll of off my virtual blogosphere pen? Gigantrous Stylish Vegan points to our newly found, fast friends at Bourgeois Boheme. Vegans after this vegans heart and soul.