The Stylish Vegan

Ok, now that you’re finished throwing up, today’s title is more than just a sweet, cheerful look at life (Really did you expect “happiness” from The Stylish Vegan to infiltrate this blog?) it’s a sarcastic twist on semantics. You see, vegan nation, today your High Holiness of vegan fashion is going to quiz you. I know, you came here for some mindless style tips and in return I throw a fucking test at you. Ah, but it’s a fun one, veganistos, so relax and read on.

Here we go (god is this fun) Q: What is this?

a) sports jacket   b) blazer   c) suit jacket   d) a headless mannequin with a pole up it’s ass wearing a tuxedo jacket

Ok, next… Q: What is this?

a) sports jacket   b) blazer   c) suit jacket   d) an invisible man afraid of the pole action in a tuxedo jacket

Pretty tough, eh? Take your time but don’t even think of cheating. We all know what happens when we cheat, right veganoids?

Brass knuckle sammich from our resident hooligan. TSV absolutely loves any opportunity to put our boy in an entry.

And the answer is, or rather are……..The top one is a blazer and the second one is a sports jacket. If you guessed them both right, The Stylish Vegan gives you permission to to give yourself a big fat kiss. If you didn’t, you got some studying to do.

I’m sure most of you vegheads are well aware of the “subtle differences” (see, I told you that title had some real meaning) between a blazer and sports jacket. But, as usual, that’s why TSV spends endless hours educating my wonderful gang of ass-kicking vegan dandies. Here’s the difference as ’splained at AskMen.com:

Mainly, a sport jacket is textured and oftentimes patterned, whereas a blazer is a solid color (usually navy or black), made of smooth fabric and is traditionally seen with naval-style brass buttons.

Not so difficult and an awesome bit of trivia to use, with an appropriate smirk on your face, when complimented on your nice “sports jacket” when you’re donning a lovely blazer.

That ends today’s quiz, kiddos. I told you it would be scintillating fun, did I not?  And we all know, The Stylish Vegan never, ever let’s his posse down!

Now, the Tuesday edition of the VegNews Frivolous Celeb of the Day. Today we feature the extremely overrated, should be on her knees praying to something daily giving thanks, Tina Fey.

Having somehow survived the horror of SNL with her own awful writing, Tina decided to show some support and join the picket lines of the striking writers.  Why is this such big fucking news? Do we really care if Tina can’t write another episode of Saturday Crap Live or another ripoff movie? How will she feed the kids? Poor, poor Tina Fey. I hope she considers collecting unemployment to make ends meet.

The beauty of it all, vegan nation, no writers, no ass-sucking tv shows! Hurray!! WE are the real winners here. Let the strike go on!

The Patriot from New England, Tom Brady, was named by that rag, Esquire, as the “Best-Dressed Man in the World”. Not in New York, not on the East Coast, not in the USA, not in North America but THE WORLD. Never mind the blatant arrogance and boldness of that statement (what do you expect from Esquire after all?), but what really has The Stylish Vegan steaming, other than the fact that I am not on the list, is I’m pretty sure none of those on the list is even a vegetarian let alone a vegan. I was holding out hope for Rufus Wainwright, who for some reason seems like a vegetarian, alas, is a meat muncher.

Certainly, someone on the Peta Sexiest Vegetarian Alive list must be worthy of a mention on the pretentious “Best-Dressed Man in the World”. Wouldn’t you think? Let’s see who we have on the list. Let’s see…Alec Baldwin.

Not gonna happen. Maybe…ok, Joaquin Phoenix, surely he must have some style.

Batting a big fat (no offense Alec) zero so far. Well, we’re getting nowhere here. Nobody on this list is jumping out as even “The Most Okay-Dressed in the World” let alone the best. Maybe our plan of attack then should focus on The Stylish Vegan taking Esquire’s top dude and putting a super-stylish, ass-whooping, vegan outfit on him. With money as no obstacle whatsoever, this should be pretty easy. First, let’s take a look at our boy.

Pretty snazzy and quite the lady-killer. Let’s assume that shiny jacket on this dandy is velvet. Well, that’s vegan right off the bat! The watch, titanium or some other metal doesn’t seem to include leather, so vegan it is! Mr. Tom Brady is scoring major Vegan Stylish points. The shirt, assuming it’s not silk (and really, would someone wearing a silk shirt really be the Best-Dressed Man in the World?), it too scores a non-animalistic stylish point. The tie. This is where Tommy might not be so vegan. My guess, silk. So let’s find him an appropriate tie for the honor that’s been bestowed upon him. Most fashionable ties are silk in varying grades. However, polyester ties can look just as dashing. Check out this one from Dolce & Gabbana.

That might work just fine. If not, there are a world of others. Pants, hard to tell from the photo but let’s assume they are something from Armani, probably a polyester microfiber. Not being overly concerned about the Super Bowl MVP’s underwear, that only leaves us with shoes. No doubt, they’re leather. But leave it to The Stylish Vegan to complete this outfit with a gorgeous pair of Clark Kent shoes from MooShoes.

So there you have it – The Stylish Vegan has dressed “The Best-Dressed Man in the World” head to toe and he looks smashing! Now we only have to work out one last detail – Tommy, buddy, would you consider a vegan diet? I didn’t think so.