The Stylish Vegan

The Stylish Vegan is a bit ornery today. No, the dry cleaner did not lose my fab new pants; today, Vegan Nation, my anger lies with fur fucks. Especially celeb fur fucks. You all know my compete disdain for celebritydom after years of working with these morons, so you can imagine the seething hatred that brews when I hear of celebs who wear fur.

And the scummiest of the douches are the absolute non-talents that the least common denominator in our society have deemed worthy of praise and adulation. Since this is a men’s fashion site, Veganistos, TSV will focus upon to dumbshits who happen to be male fur fucks.

This talentless bum wearing the tortured skin of some mutilated animal is Busta Rhymes. TSV is not really sure what this jackass has done in his life to reap millions of dollars and exploit little creatures but there must be enough imbeciles out there who think he has “something”.

And they are correct – he does have something; it’s called no talent. None. Nada. Zero. If for some bizarre reason you happen to be a fan of whatever this douche does, leave this site now. Really. I don’t want you here.

Now that The Stylish One has cleared the riff raff, let’s move on to the other celeb fur fuck on our list today. Once again, it happens to be another low life whose celebrity stumps TSV. He is Sean Puff Daddy or Puff or what the fuck, get a real name – you too Busta. Anyway, here’s our master copycat artist (sorry to even use that word) in all his pelt ridden glory.

The sight of this talentless bum makes my skin crawl. Hey, there’s an idea, let’s skin him and let some cold little furry friends don his ectoplasm when attending the next mink rap bash. Seriously, VegHeads, what has this dude done other than rip off other peoples’ music and put a pathetic elctro beat to it? He can’t sing and he really, really can’t dance, so what gives? Oh yes, the least common denominator or, in other words, the majority of our wonderful country.

As you all know, TSV is a somewhat gentle soul. Right? You know that? But I give you all full permission to take a baseball bat to the head of either of these useless clowns the next time you happen to see them smiling in their dead animal skins. And make sure they know, right before you swing the lumber, that TSV sent you to deliver this skull bashing blow.

Wow – how violent! I’m sorry, gang, but The Stylish Vegan has no place for fur fucks, especially when sites like The Fur Council of America roll these shitheads “celebrities” and others out for the public to admire their bad taste in cruelty. Hey, FICA, The Stylish Vegan has a message for you:

And while you’re at it, shove it up your collective ass!

On a lighter fur note, TSV ran across a little site while researching this entry (yes, it does involve research) that turned out to be pretty cool. Check this out, it’s called KidzWorld and it has an entire bit on the awfulness of fur. Kudos to them and make sure every kid you know reads this. If they’re too young to read, you read it to them. Let’s start them young, Vegan Nation, so they don’t turn out to be like our dumbass shit-for-brains celebs we so warmly discussed today.

Ok, it’s Friday, The Stylish One is hangin’ at his fave bar sipping a nice vegan beer. You should do the same. Have an exciting and awe-filled weekend!

Vegan Nation, The Stylish Vegan must apologize right out of the gate for my tardiness in presenting GQ’s Best Suits Under $500. Alright, I’m sorry and I’m sure you have all read through it and moved on to something else in this ever changing, fashionable world. But hold your horses – TSV must share his extremely important review of this fab article.

Hey, VegHeads, I’m all for inexpensive suits that can look just as dashing as their upscale brothers with nothing more than a good tailor. You all know TSV’s fondness for Target’s Merona rayon diddies. And to make my life oh so much easier, GQ presents us with a formidable selection of very affordable suits. But what makes this presentation magical is the number of vegan suits included. Of the 11 shown by our fave mag, 7, you heard TSV correctly, 7 are vegan! Holy shit, that’s pretty fantastic in any veganisto’s book.

Enough, already, TSV, let’s see the damn suits! Ok, ok – here are the Vegan Seven:

Pretty damn dashing, I must say. In this order they are: Perry Ellis, Nautica, Target/Merona, Express, Club Monaco, Calvin Klein, and, of course, our beloved, Banana Republic. All, with the exception of the Merona ensemble, are made of cotton. The Merona, a rayon blend. Now, Vegan Nation, while TSV is not 100% sure that all of these are lined with manmade and not silk linings, I’m pretty confident. But, you may want to check the label just in case.

These are all very fine suits and can be worn alongside some of the finest out there. Whether it be at the office, at a wedding, or, as TSV is known to do, just hanging out. You can’t miss. Remember, and I can’t say this enough (well actually I can say it enough since I say it constantly) it’s all in the tailoring. And, as our dear friends at GQ say, every suit at every price point needs some tailoring.

By the way, The Stylish Vegan, likes to let everyone know his suit is vegan – and you should too. Because, when you look superstylin’ in a kickass modern suit, no one is expecting either you or your suit to be animal-friendly. So when you get the compliments, as you will, just smile and say, “It’s vegan, you know”.

Alright, on to the The Stylish Vegan’s Douche Bag Hall of Fame. And today’s entrant is none other than horse killer, Gabriel Saez.

That’s the Mini Douce Bag walking by Eight Belles, the horse he just murdered. Our mighty little fella wanted to capture his own fame and glory so badly, he beat the shit out of this horse with his whip to try and win the dumbass fucking race. You all know by now that the horse was injected and put into permanent sleep right on the track. And as you can tell from the above photo, today’s Douce doesn’t really seem to give a rat’s ass about the pain he just inflicted upon this animal.

Congratulations, Gabe, you are the newest entrant into TSVDBHF! Where, upon your arrival, you will be beaten sensely and without mercy until your sorry minature ass can never sit upon a horse again.

Vegan Nation, The Stylish One is 100% healthy and feeling mighty fine! And just in the nick of time; it’s Earth Day! As you can see from the above photo, even dumbshits like Bush et al do their best to feign interest in this planet-saving 24-hours. But the photo speaks volumes; the lunacy of “green” is now nothing more than an advertorial political tool. Gee, how surprising?

Not one to look at the moronic offerings on television (and don’t give me that HBO “intelligent programming” shit. It’s all shit wrapped in different packages.) but when I did see some programming recently, almost all of the advertisements contained the word “green”. Even the evil corporations that continually test the limits of raping the planet, are hawking “earth-friendly” products. VegHeads, TSV cannot fucking take it any more! When will this silly trend go the way of “fat-free” everything? Not soon enough for moi.

We live in a really, really stupid country. Sorry, but it’s definitely true. Look no further than the moron in the White House. The people of this nation voted these idiots into power not once but twice. That doesn’t scream intelligence, Veganistos. Ok, ok, best case scenario, 50% of the inhabitants of this fading empire are American Idol-watching, McDonald’s-eating, gas-guzzling imbeciles. You really think they give a fuck about Earth Day?? Really? If you do, you are definitely delusional.

So happy Earth Day everybody!

On a sunnier note, I am ordering shoes today (now that cheers TSV up immensely!) from our dear friends at Bourgeois Boheme.

That’s the “George” and it’s the perfect shoe for TSV’s summertime coutour. VegHeads, TSV will keep all of you U.S. vegans posted on shipping from the U.K. since these animal-friendly shoes are not available in our great nation.

Tomorrow, The Stylish Vegan will update the Vegan Nation on more summertime styles that have recently made their way into my wondrous wardrobe. Hey, what else are you going to do when you’re sick? Shop online, mis amigos.

And speaking of Spanish in Spanish, in lieu of the VegNews Frivolous Celeb of the Day, we have another installment of TSV’s Douche Bag Hall of Fame. Today, I bring you the most popular artist flooding email boxes everywhere, King JackAss, Guillermo Vargas.

If you haven’t received the famous email about the infamous artist yet, you will. Several times. According to the cyber world, Vargas apparently had an exhibit in Costa Rica where he kept a dog tied to a line in a gallery, not feeding or giving her water, until she starved to death. All in the name of art. I told you he was a Major Douche.

Well, as it goes, no one is quite sure what the truth is about the living exhibit. Guillermo claims the dog was well fed daily and was only tied for a couple of hours during the exhibit. He says the canine not only didn’t starve to death, but received the most nutrition of her life.

The first question that comes to The Stylish Vegan’s mind is, is this fucking 1910? Is Costa Rica in the far, far reaches of the planet beyond human inhabitation? This is the best info we can get? So far the news on this has been sketchy at best. Really, why isn’t there any concrete information about this??

VegHeads, TSV works in the art world as you all know. My inclination is that it is a publicity stunt to garner some PR for a fading, non-important artist. Whatever, he’s still one of the biggest asswipes for even creating such as asinine “piece of art”. Shame on you Vargas, don’t you know it’s Earth Day?!

Vegan Nation, your hero of all that is vegan fashion is back from a brief hiatus. Yes, The Stylish Vegan had to take a short break to attend to travel for work. Rather than bore you with my internment in the arctic chill of Minnehoopolis, I decided to spare you all. You are very, very welcome.

Much has happened in the vegan world whilst freezing my animal-friendly ass off for several days. Particularly, a rather hideous backlash toward our wonderful animal friends. Rather than be sad, TSV has decided to channel that particular emotion into anger, as usual. So, Veganistos, that leads us to a new and exciting feature, TSV’s Douche Bag Hall of Fame!

Not to be confused with The VegNews Frivolous Celeb of the Day, TSVDBHF, focuses on, well, regular ol’ asswipes. These are the lowest of the carnie world. The types that would make you want to firebomb all the Outback Steak joints in the countries. The stanky bottom dwellers of the animal destroying population; your Ted Nugent types, if you will.

Jumping with both muscular legs right into it, our #1 TSV Douche Bag Hall of Famer, easily goes to this moron:

It’s the King of Puppy Killers and god knows what else, David Mortari! Of course everyone knows by now, VegHeads, that asshole Mortari threw a pup off of a cliff in Iraq. What we don’t know is what else this limp-dicked wonder has murdered. Of course, it could be that this is the dweeb’s way of proving his manhood, since his sexy underwear shot didn’t quite get the ladies he had hoped for and he’s killed nothing else. TSV is betting on this theory.

One’s bravado is certainly challenged when a six week old dog is better endowed than yourself. Poor, poor Mortari, if only you had been reading The Stylish Vegan, you would have known that meat eating decreases the size of your manly member. See how easily this all could have been avoided. There is some good news in all of this, kiddos, google his name and you can find his address, his mother’s address, his sister’s address, etc. Be a good vegan and please, please harass the living hell out of these people. Guilt by association – sorry fam.

Enough about puppy pitchers and on to golfing. The number 2 entrant into TSVDBHF is pro golfer Tripp Isenhour.

Check out this article here. It appears that shit-for-brains Isenhour was “charged with killing a hawk on purpose with a golf shot because it was making noise as he videotaped a TV show.” Of course, Trippy says he was only trying to “scare the bird away” by shooting balls up into a tree where the menace perched. And only a “one-in-a-million shot of dumb luck” actually hit and silenced the demon squawker – permanently.

Ok, not only is this major fuckwad not good enough to stay on the tour, he wears awful striped golfing shirts. Hell, forget the whole bird killing thing, TSV thinks this guy should be hung by his balls just for wearing such atrocious clothing. Lesson learned: wearing ugly golf attire will lead you on a hawk killing rampage which will ultimately land you in a cell next to Isenhour. And believe me, you don’t, I repeat, don’t want to share a cell ever with some dude named Tripp.

Finally, we come to our third Douche Bag; the mentally deficient Brit, Bear Grylls.

Now I confess, Vegan Nation, The Stylish One had never heard of this pea brain until happening across a show on the Discovery Channel called Man vs. Wild while visiting a friend. Apparently, the man with the oh so idiotic first name, parachutes into some remote area where he only has his “survival skills” to survive. Well, that and help from the crew and others who set up animals to be “snared” by this courageous lad.

On this particular episode, our brave ex-soldier, was dropped into the middle of Iceland, in winter no less. Of course, he did have his camera crew and he did have the assistance of a local farmer who happened to leave a dead goat, freshly killed, for him to demonstrate his keen “survival skills”. MSV gasped in horror when this Major Douche took out his knife and proceeded to carve out the eyeball of this goat since that’s where the “majority of protein is”. That’s good to know. TSV may use that the next time I happen upon a freshly-staged dead goat.

What a fucking coward. Let’s see some real survivor skills. How about dropping this numbnuts into the middle of this:

That’s inner city Detroit. Nothing staged – well maybe a few dead rodents – but he’s on his own. I give him half hour to an hour before his sorry ass is screaming for his life. Now that would make fabulistic television!

So, Vegan Nation, there seems to be a common thread amongst our TSVDBHFamers. Yes, they all senselessly kill animals for their own amusement and their obvious lack of self-esteem. But aside from that, check out the wardrobe on all three of these clowns. If there is ever an inspiration to dedicate yourself to looking Vegan Dapper, just link to this page and I guarantee your v-neck sports logo sweater will immediately find it’s way into the trash.

Ahhhh, it’s so nice to be back!