The Stylish Vegan

Vegan Nation, it’s that hideous time of year for the young folk – BTS (Of course, it used to just be called “Back to School” until Wal-Mart, K-Mart, Target-Mart, etc. branded it). And being the generous soul that The Stylish Vegan is, I’ve decided to empathize with the teen VegHeads and put myself in their man-made, but incredibly tasteful, shoes.

So off to BR, TSV strode, looking to grab some fashionable couture for that first day back. BTW: BR, as you notice at their website, receives huge Stylish Vegan Points for not mentioning the dreaded “BTS” on their tastefully designed site. Having racked up some credit on the Luxe Card, I had a sum in mind and, dammit, I was going to use every penny of it! And certainly, kids, there would be some sales, no?

As it turns out, BR was in the midst of their 30% off 30 Decade sale. How did TSV not know about this sooner since I receive every conceivable email the company can imaginably send? Oh, well, no biggie, “I’m gonna get me some stylin’ back to school wear”, I actually said to myself as I entered. Now, some people say that they say things to themselves but don’t really mean it. The Stylish Vegan means it – I always talk out loud to myself. I guess it makes me feel like I have a really cool, well-dressed, vegan friend.

Upon entering with the excitement of a little kid with his first dradle at Hannukah, TSV immediately noticed the lack of “sale” signage that sings, “Buy me, oh, Stylish One.” Mmmm….bait and switch? Was your hero duped into a “sale of all our shitty clothes” sale”? Yes, and no. Sure the premo garb that I was drooling over was full blown price. But the 30% off items actually included end of summer shirts that would look so dashing as I theoretically entered the halls of higher education in a week or two.

First off, polos. Buy two get 30% off. TSV can live with that. Especially when many are marked down to begin with. I should note here that I own most of these polos so my selection was fairly limited. And realizing I have nothing but minimalist solids in my expansive wardrobe, TSV went for, I ain’t shittin’ you, stripes!

I have to say, MSV was quite impressed that stripage actually made it into my wardrobe. I still think she’s skeptical but rest assured no sinister motives were at play here. Simply, The Stylish Vegan wants horizontal lines on his BTS-wear. Is that so wrong?

Having already owned just about everything worth a damn in the “sale” section already, TSV, drifted into full price land. Not intending to purchase anything, “there’s nothing wrong with looking”, I told myself, and besides I have more credit left to use. “So there!”, I announced loudly as the staff looked with heads tilted like puppy dogs.

Within seconds, TSV was drawn to the Heritage Collection. BR’s Heritage Collection is nirvana to me. Slim fit pants in fabulous styles with muted color schemes. Who would really want anything more?, I ask you Vegan Nation. Again, with many Heritage clothes already within the wondrous confines of my dressing room, something new would certainly wipe that remaining credit from account within seconds.

And so it did:

Veganistos, TSV is a sucker – actually a huge, enormous, gigantic, sucker for anything “slim fit”. These pants fit the bill perfectly; stylish and extremely comfy for those long lectures in the make-believe Classics class. Fab! The only problem, yes, there is always a problem, was that they came in two colors. Oh, no! I don’t have enough credit for that! “Resist, TSV, resist!!”

It was like talking The Stylish Vegan off the ledge. “You can do it”, I told myself. “Besides, TSV, you have an ace in the hole. You, my dearest friend, possess a ‘personal shopping day’ card. Relax, you can come back and buy lots and lots of fashionable gear on another day.” But what about BTS?, I questioned myself without quotation marks. And that’s when the reality set in. TSV is not really going back to school so I can procure these beauties anytime. See how nice and productive it is to have conversations with yourself?

Ok, there you have it, TSV’s BTS additions to my collection of threads. Not a lot but when you’re on a budget and you’re not really going back to school, it’ll do.

We have a very exciting VegNews Frivolous Celeb of the Day this glorious afternoon. The Vegan Nation is well aware of our sacred and benevolent god, BMW. Well, check this out from our dear friends at ecorazzi:

That’s Jennifer Garner in a hydro 7-series BMW. Actually, it could be anybody, TSV wouldn’t care; the car is the celeb here. Now I’m sure this baby could be equipped in non-leather upholstery as TSV’s 3-series, son of god, is. Imagine for a moment – TSV could not only be the most stylish vegan on the planet, hell, the universe, but I could also be perceived as giving a rat’s ass about the environment as well! How fucking cool is that?!

Talk soon.

Vegan Nation, The Stylish One has decided to come clean with my addiction to BR. Why do I continue to do it? It tears at my heart; sometimes treating me like a king, others like a dirt ball. Yet here is The Stylish Vegan once again being lured into the comforting lair of mid-scale clothier.

TSV is what is known in BR World as a Luxe member. That means I spend a decent amount of money there so they give me “rewards”. Actually, discounts; lots of them. It seems that every day another 20% off coupon or $20 gift card arrives in the mail to keep the buzz going. And no matter how hard I try, I can’t fight it. Just when I thought I couldn’t buy any more pants from the Republic, they increase their offering of the slim fit cut. My god, it’s like they know what TSV is craving and they are at the ready to satisfy that need.

VegHeads, once again The Stylish Vegan finds myself trapped; I simply cannot let those discounts go to waste. Of course I need another shirt or two, who doesn’t? Pants, bring ‘em on, I haven’t bought any in a couple of weeks. So in my desperate state of not wanting to ruin the ecosystem of the world by not cashing in on the gift cards, TSV added a couple of very nice pieces to my summertime wardrobe.

Really, how could TSV pass these up? Lightweight, slim fitting; everything I love. And, veganistos, they’re practically giving the shit away! Come on, just a couple of items isn’t going to hurt anyone, right? I mean, TSV has this under control. It’s just a pair of trousers and a silly old shirt.

Oh, god, oh, god, when will it end?!

Now for a very quick VegNews Frivolous Celeb of the Day as reported by their darling Blog of the Year, ecorazzi.com, TSV brings you Harrison Ford.

Our dear friends at the ‘razzi, tell us that Mr. Ford “has sacrificed his chest hair to help “shock” people into going green”. The Stylish Vegan is speechless. Well, not really – Jesus Fucking Christ what is wrong with these egotistical idiots???!! Sorry, it’s all that comes to mind. Talk soon.

Well, Vegan Nation, after my feud with BR, all is now forgiven. Mr. UPS man just dropped a neat and tidy little package with my name upon it, at my doorstep. Inside? Well, we have this:

And this:

And, also, this:

Wonderful! And the best part, veganistos, they were all on sale. Yes, our dear friends at BR are having a fabulistic 50% off sale! I’m sorry, but you just can’t beat that. And best of all, when all my other discounts were included, TSV pretty much paid chump change for some post-holiday pick-me-up shopping.

Come on now, I wasn’t really pissed off about the little ol security tag thing. Happens all the time, right? Let’s just hug and chalk it up to a silly love quarrel, Bananarama.

It’s Friday and The Stylish One must run. No time for the VegNews Frivolous Celeb of the Day today, so use your limitless imagination. Have a fab weekend!

Vegan Nation, my sincerest of apologies for the delay in writing. As you all know, The Stylish One, along with Mrs. Stylish are in San Francisco visiting in-laws. Tonight, as MSV is at a hotel spa with her sister, I am fulfilling my uncly duties along with Mssr. Kenny at the Tiburon estate and two delightful sub-3-year-olds.

So in between kiddie bath time and sleeptime, TSV felt I owed my dear, dear vegans a quickie. And really, since it’s Friday night, I’m sure that’s all you want. This is going the extra mile here, kids, since my regular ibook won’t connect to the house wireless (they forgot the password) I’m treading on foreign, half-decade old Windows machinery. Yes, I do deserve praise and accolades, so bestow them upon me, please.

The quick topic tonight, veganistos: jeans. “Have you fucking lost your mind, TSV? You hate jeans.” Very good point, ganstas, but I felt I needed at least one decent pair. Every pair that I wear, as sparingly as possible, hangs upon my gorgeous frame like that of an old man. Baggy and ill-fitting. I required something that I could wear with a very nice blazer or sports jacket that didn’t give the appearance of Kenny Loggins circa 1977.

The Stylish Vegan began his quest in earnest last weekend. First of all, when shopping for denim, wade through all the bullshit; True Religion, Lucky Brand, etc., you know, the overpriced, gimicky shit. My calling was to the classic, the motha of all dungarees, Levi’s. Yes, you heard me right, Levi’s. You got a problem with that? I wanted a dark wash, slim fitting, tapered leg, pair of Levis. Is that so wrong? Not at all. As a matter of fact, it’s soooooo right. Here’s what TSV uncovered.

Yes, I know you recognize them, they’re the Slouch Skinny, of course. Forget the stupidiotic photo above, TSV wore these this very day with a dark sports jacket, black oxfords and a button-down white shirt. They look fab. And they were on clearance at the Levi’s store in Seattle. (I didn’t even know Levi’s had their own stores, judging by the lack of shoppers, no one else knows either.)

A classic, plain and simple, veganoids. While all the clubbers are out there in their ultra expensive, ripped and faded jeans (I seem to recall this trend in the late 70’s too) you’ll come waltzing in the shitz. Old school at it’s finest – Levi Strauss.

Alright, a down and dirty, quick-hittin’ VegNews Frivolous Celeb of the Day. Once again we turn our attention to the God of blogs as worshipped by the syncophants at VegNews, ecorazzi.com.

One comment only, ecos, never, I repeat, never put this alienesque, dumbshit hosebag in the same paragraph with Queen Alicia. TSV might have to hurt someone if this ever happens again.