The Stylish Vegan

Well, Vegan Nation, MSV and I have discovered that one of our beloved gatos, Gomez, was diagnosed with diabetes last week. Yes our little Gomie of 14 years, known to all as “The Party Cat” for her love of being the Belle of the Ball while wearing her stylin’ perma-tux, has a touch of the sugar.

Of course TSV’s immediate reaction was devastation. I didn’t know much about feline diabetes so I feared the worse – for about 10 minutes. My dear friend, Mr. Internet, calmed my fears immediately and assured me that this vet’s diagnosis was by no means a death sentence for Gome. Whew!

But…insulin and home glucose testing would be part of TSV’s life for the foreseeable future. A tight schedule of shots and monitoring don’t really fit well into The Stylish Vegan’s fancy-freeness of a lifestyle. But we’re talking Gomie here, kids, so by any means necessary – to quote my dear friend, Mr. X.

Alright, I’m ready, TSV thought to myself. Let’s do some intensive research. You see, VegHeads, TSV is known for my insane obsession with research. I simply must know everything there is to know about any subject affecting my life. Within a day or two, I would be a feline diabeties expert. Yes, even moreso than Wilfred Brimley!

First thing The Stylish One discovered was to not even think of injecting my little girl without first taking her off of that high carb dry diet she’s spent her entire life devouring. The best vet and expert in feline sugar instructed me to put her on an almost zero carb, high protein diet – affectionately known as the Catkin’s Diet – how clever! No problem, just steer me toward some food and we’re on our way to low blood glucose.

Well, Veganistos, it’s one thing to feed your kitty dry food combined with some animal product that has no resemblance to actual flesh. But it’s quite another when wet food like this becomes the lifesaver for Gomie.

In case you can’t see the writing on the label, these foods are 95% meat. As in, beef, duck and venison. Here’s how the company describes it:

“To bridge the gap between what was once the ideal diet in the wild, and what science defines as an optimal nutritional profile, Natura Pet Products has developed the ideal ancestral diet: EVO.”

Vegan Nation, why do I suddenly feel like Ted Nugent? When you open these cans, gang, there’s no doubt that that’s Daffy or Bambi in the can. OMG! I’m freaking out just thinking about it! Help!

So after a bout of violent shaking and sleeplessness, TSV realized that this was without doubt the right thing to do. Cats are carnivores. They are programmed that way. And The Stylish Vegan has no right to try and force my ideals and lifestyle upon this beautiful creature of nature. (You hear that, Gome? I called you beautiful – how about that?)

The Stylish Vegan has a message to the vegan world that you may not want to hear. Cats cannot and never will be vegans. No matter how hard you try. It’s impossible. Read my lips, impossible. And trying to force one to be, is cruel and irresponsible. I don’t care what you’ve read or who told you otherwise, they’re wrong. Period.

I’ve harmed my cats through the years by not following their natural diets. I was wrong about that. Vegans, if you plan on have cat companions bear in mind, they need meat. Lots of it. The closer to nature the better. If you can’t do that, don’t get a cat. Try a cow or a hippo or an elephant but never a cat.

Here’s to Gomie! She’ll do well regardless of all the harm this vegan unknowingly afflicted upon her through the years.

Vegan Nation, what a crazy, strange and increasingly stressful world we are inhabiting. All the old shit still holds true: people eating happy animals for pleasure, wearing them, exploiting them, etc. But now we are presented with an entirely new insanity as well: the world economy is in an awful, horrific, sickening situation.

Everything is getting more and more expensive and there are less and less funds to go around. People are looking for more and more ways to scrimp and save on everything. And sadly, VegHeads, food is right up there on the list. Let’s see do I pay 5 bucks for that vegan burger or head to the dreaded Value Meal?

Ok, so that really isn’t a choice for The Stylish One or the rest of you wondrously and highly intelligent folks, i.e. Vegan Nation, but it doesn’t help the cause. The cheaper the food, in this awful environment, the more They will flock to it. Fuck animal rights, I gotta eat!

But it doesn’t stop there. Unfortunately, vegan products tend to be rather costly when compared with their animal-raped counterparts. All those wonderful friends of TSV who have set up shops to cater to our animal-loving ways may face peril. It becomes increasingly difficult, veganistos, to shell out a hundred smackers for a pair of shoes these days when “the old ones will do just fine”.

And, brace yourselves, TSV hasn’t purchased a single item from BR in over six weeks! OMFG! Is this the end of the world? Calm down, already!! Of course it’s not. As a matter of fact, TSV has received some bright, shiny messages from the Vegan Nation in these tough time to let us know, our veganistic world is not only intact but thriving and continually building!

Just check this out from TSV reader Robert Black who shares my affection for the perfecto martini. Mr. Black has taken up the cause of finding a vegan vermouth. A cause, I might add, that The Stylish Vegan has not been able to make any headway in obtaining answers. Seems that Bob, we’re pretty tight now, discovered that  Noilly Prat is indeed vegan. And to think they wouldn’t even answer my emails! Asswipes! Anyway, muchismo gracias Rober Black for the presistence and for bringing some alcoholic sunshine to my day.

And a big shout out to Brittany Cooke from Toms Shoes for highlighting their new vegan shoe styles. Also, Toms partnered with Whole Foods to sell an exclusive line of Vegan TOMS, made of recycled plastic bottles and hemp, according to Ms. Cooke. Check these out:

Now, TSV has written about Toms in the past so you’re all well aware of their dedication to give a pair of shoes to a child in need for every pair purchased. That continues to be incredibly awesome! And at 40 bucks a pair, I mean, that fits our recessionary paramters; inexpensive, unique and really stylin’.

Wow, I feel so much better now! Who gives a fuck about a failing economy?! The Vegan Nation musters up the strength and support for our brethren when the situation calls for it. And now more than ever! Really, gang, TSV doesn’t want to have to hit the Value Meal!

When one discovers, Vegan Nation, that intense pain emanating from a terribly rotten hip can be eased with the assistance of a cane, incredibly awful visions of walking sticks come to mind. You know, the adjustable metal things with blue handles. Oh, dear lord, please no! The Stylish Vegan with a standard issued hospital endorsed cane? No way, Joe! Hell no, Jose!

After a minor freak out, as TSV is sometimes prone, Mr. Internet offered a fab solution: fashionablecanes.com! Who knew? So after sifting through the sensational site, TSV ordered, received and is now proudly donning, this beauty:

Gorgeous, si? The site is great, it allows you to not only choose your styling stick but makes them to size. Handy instructions on how to measure make it oh so easy to get a gorgeous cane that’s not only practical but an accessory to die for as well! And it only took a awfully arthritic hip to bring it to my doorstep.

And in case you are wondering, VegHeads, it’s 1000% vegan and not tested on any animals. No cats, no dogs, no zebra, nothing. Oh, and lest TSV forgets, it’s an amazing weapon of self-defense. Believe me, you don’t want to be on the receiving end of a wicked swing of this baby!

So there you have it, Veganistos, pain and suffering can have a beautifully fashionable result. Problem is, once the recovery is complete, TSV isn’t going to want to toss this in the closet never to be seen again. I guess the other hip has to go at some time.

Hey, VegHeads, TSV hasn’t thrown out a VegNews Frivolous Celeb of the Day in an eternity. Well enough of that noise, we have a winner today. From our dear friends at ecorazzi.com we learned the following:

“Bono Rails Against $700 Billion For Wall Street, But No Billions For Fighting Disease, Hunger”. Well, Mr. Bono, just so happens TSV knows a thing or two about how Wall Street works and I’m venturing to guess probably about 100 times more than Sonny.

TSV understands your frustration, pal, but you aren’t seeing the big picture here. This “$700 billion for Wall Street” is actually for every person in this country and, I will be so bold to say, many around the world. You see, Bono, the banking system in the U.S. of A. is on the verge of total collapse. How does that affect us, not you, I’m assuming your dough is stashed in some off shore account? If this money doesn’t come through to stem, not to fix, just to shore up the banking system, Joe Public may go to his bank next week to get money and it ain’t going to be there.

This is serious, serious shit, BoneHead. Much more serious than most understand. This money needs to buy this toxic paper or we are in a gigantic boatload of hurt. And those diseased and hungry you speak of? Well, there will be plenty of them right here in the homeland if no assistance is forthcoming.

Bono, a lesson from TSV: Don’t go spouting off shit when you don’t understand it. Not only does it make you look incredibly foolish, but it’s not going to help you sell records in your now stagnant career!

Vegan Nation, that odd but beautifully designed device you see above is The Stylish Vegan’s new hip! Yes, in a mere 30 days, your friend, advisor and knower of all that is style, will be flat on his back in surgery receiving this wondrous titanium contraption.

TSV has known for two years or so that this day would come eventually. But being the glutton for punishment that I am so fashionably know for, I put up with the pain…until now. It fucking hurts like you wouldn’t believe! Thus, the impending surgical procedure.

That’s where the “non vegan” part comes into play. Yes, the hospital is well aware of my nonviolent inclinations when it comes to our dear animal pals, so I’m covered food-wise. But what about all those meds, VegHeads? OMG most pharmaceuticals are made of animal parts and surely tested upon Fluffly and her kin. What’s a vegan to do?

Well, it hurts me to say this, in more ways than you know, when it comes to pain management, TSV will find himself squarely in the non-vegan camp for a few days. I just can’t see any way around it. This shit is going to hurt and if the tainted drugs of our brave new med world numb that, I’m in. Of course, I will be thinking of all those who gave their lives for the inroads in science that created these pills. TSV will have pain, in my heart, acknowledging this, but it’s something I have to do.

Vegan Nation, these are the types of decisions we face in modern times. As much as I would love to not perpetuate this practice, reality smacks me dead in the face.

Stay tuned – this is going to be one crazy-ass ride!

Well, sort of. You see, Vegan Nation, as the geopolitical winds continue to blow strongly with our inept government further pissing off the Russians, TSV thought he would check out the Russian propaganda side of the story. So as any knowledge seeking individual would do, I went right to the source; the Russian Pravda.

Now aside from upbeat and uplifting headlines like, “Russia may strike nuclear blow on Poland in case it deploys US Patriot missiles” and “War in South Ossetia may trigger new outburst of US-Russian rivalry”, TSV found this gem, “Vegetarianism proves to be perversion of nature”.

Complete with an odd accompanying photo;

the article begins with the line, “Vegetarians can be referred to as true fanatics”. And it only gets better from there VegHeads. “Some may say that there is enough protein in vegetables (beans, for example). True, but recent studies show that vegetable protein can be digested only with the help of its animal analogue.” Are you fucking kidding TSV?!

Believe me, I could quote this story all day, it’s unbelievably bizarre, but please go read it for yourselves. After reading TSV advises that you may want to see a doctor immediately since you will discover that you are dying of an endless list of health issues. But wait! There’s more!

Whilst there, take a look at some of the other vegetarian/vegan stories that Pravda is so obsessed with. Other articles drop such gems as “The specialists concluded that those eating a lot of pickled tofu have a lower brain activity.” Wow, The Stylish One better stay away from all those pickled tofu products I’m so fond of!

And of course this from still yet another article, “Children born into a family of vegetarian parents are shorter than children of non-vegetarian parents, they usually suffer from anemia and a deficiency of calcium and vitamins.” Is the Russian meat lobby really this strong?

But hands down, TSV’s favorite quote from another well-written article, (well actually there are many faves but this one is superb) “A lot of celebrities and public figures become vegans when they feel that they have had and accomplished all they could in life.” There it is, kids – the ultimate reason for going vegan! We’ve accomplished all we can in life so obviously there’s no where else to turn except to veganism. Suddenly I feel so good about myself!

Ok, Vegan Nation, there you have it, a freaky display of misinformation brought to you by “experts” and “specialists” of Russia. And they really want us to believe they’re the good guys?

Before heading out for the weekend, TSV was sent an email regarding fashion, yes, we do talk about that still, from Kevin regarding his new company The Vegan Collection. In addition to putting out affordable, animal-friendly shoes, Kev et al. donate 25% of all proceeds to organizations that are advocates for animals. Awesome!

Aight – have a great weekend all!

Vegan Nation, The Stylish One has just realized that I too can take advantage of the environment and completely justify a brand new Hummer! And who wouldn’t want that orange baby?

In a wonderful article about veganism in The Seattle Times, TSV learned that meat eaters consume so much energy with their incredibly unhealthy diet and a vegan uses soooo much less it would be like the equivalent  of driving a Hummer versus a small sedan. Great news, VegHeads! Now we can waste as much energy as meat munchers just by driving a big obnoxious, Republican army vehicle.

No time to waste; The Stylish One is off to the dealership to pick out, or better yet, design my very own vegan friendly Hummer

The Stylish Vegan is a bit ornery today. No, the dry cleaner did not lose my fab new pants; today, Vegan Nation, my anger lies with fur fucks. Especially celeb fur fucks. You all know my compete disdain for celebritydom after years of working with these morons, so you can imagine the seething hatred that brews when I hear of celebs who wear fur.

And the scummiest of the douches are the absolute non-talents that the least common denominator in our society have deemed worthy of praise and adulation. Since this is a men’s fashion site, Veganistos, TSV will focus upon to dumbshits who happen to be male fur fucks.

This talentless bum wearing the tortured skin of some mutilated animal is Busta Rhymes. TSV is not really sure what this jackass has done in his life to reap millions of dollars and exploit little creatures but there must be enough imbeciles out there who think he has “something”.

And they are correct – he does have something; it’s called no talent. None. Nada. Zero. If for some bizarre reason you happen to be a fan of whatever this douche does, leave this site now. Really. I don’t want you here.

Now that The Stylish One has cleared the riff raff, let’s move on to the other celeb fur fuck on our list today. Once again, it happens to be another low life whose celebrity stumps TSV. He is Sean Puff Daddy or Puff or what the fuck, get a real name – you too Busta. Anyway, here’s our master copycat artist (sorry to even use that word) in all his pelt ridden glory.

The sight of this talentless bum makes my skin crawl. Hey, there’s an idea, let’s skin him and let some cold little furry friends don his ectoplasm when attending the next mink rap bash. Seriously, VegHeads, what has this dude done other than rip off other peoples’ music and put a pathetic elctro beat to it? He can’t sing and he really, really can’t dance, so what gives? Oh yes, the least common denominator or, in other words, the majority of our wonderful country.

As you all know, TSV is a somewhat gentle soul. Right? You know that? But I give you all full permission to take a baseball bat to the head of either of these useless clowns the next time you happen to see them smiling in their dead animal skins. And make sure they know, right before you swing the lumber, that TSV sent you to deliver this skull bashing blow.

Wow – how violent! I’m sorry, gang, but The Stylish Vegan has no place for fur fucks, especially when sites like The Fur Council of America roll these shitheads “celebrities” and others out for the public to admire their bad taste in cruelty. Hey, FICA, The Stylish Vegan has a message for you:

And while you’re at it, shove it up your collective ass!

On a lighter fur note, TSV ran across a little site while researching this entry (yes, it does involve research) that turned out to be pretty cool. Check this out, it’s called KidzWorld and it has an entire bit on the awfulness of fur. Kudos to them and make sure every kid you know reads this. If they’re too young to read, you read it to them. Let’s start them young, Vegan Nation, so they don’t turn out to be like our dumbass shit-for-brains celebs we so warmly discussed today.

Ok, it’s Friday, The Stylish One is hangin’ at his fave bar sipping a nice vegan beer. You should do the same. Have an exciting and awe-filled weekend!

In short, yes. The more hate the merrier, says The Stylish Vegan. This guy is the anti-christ of veganism. He is the ugly embodiment of veg-haters. He continually mocks vegetarians (differently from the way I do of course) on his show, in interviews and at lectures. And, worst of all, he has no style sense whatsoever(!). He is Anthony Bourdain.

So why is it TSV kinda likes the dude? He’s everything your dandy of veganism isn’t in the world of fashion and food. But I guess there are enough similarities in our convictions and sarcastic views of life, that I’ve formed a sort of dysfunctional kinship with the alcoholic cook. He despises vegetarians, I return the feelings toward boneheaded carnies. See, we are true soul mates.

Bourdain doesn’t hold a whole lot back, he pretty much grabs it all by the balls. The Stylish One likes that, vegheads. Of course, much of the shit he does and says is for ratings anyway. It is entertainment after all. And up until now, TSV has viewed the derogatory remarks as nothing more than that. Believe me, this dude definitely ain’t no Shit-for-Brains Ted Nugent, ok?

But things seem to be changing this season. MSV and myself witnessed an ad on the Travel Channel for the latest from the ex-heroin addict chef. You know, kids, it’s one thing to take little jabs on your show but quite another to actually call out vegetarians in the coming attractions. And that, Vegan Nation, is the Travel Channel’s fault. They apparently, thought it would be so cute to use Bourdain’s “ribbing” (pun absolutely intended) and use it to promote the show. Assholes.

So for this reason alone, The Stylish Vegan is boycotting the rancidity of the Travel Channel. Sorry, Tony, but this yin to your yang ain’t happening this season. And further, TSV, invites all of you veganistos to write emails to those dickheads at the horrific Travel Channel. Now let the hate heapin’ begin!

Today’s VegNews Frivolous Celeb of the Day brings us back to the, oh so controversial, Sarah Jessica Parker (SJP to those in the know). This comes to us via something called Hollywood Rag.com.

This is what journalism is all about. This, Vegan Nation, is news: Stars Without Makeup! Enough pontificating, already, TSV. Sorry, I got carried away. Anyway, we hold a special place on these cyber pages for SJP with her faux furs and snappy real leather pants. We like to showcase our oxymoronic stylin’ girl whenever we can.

Well, vegan nation, we sit on the second biggest party night of the year, Thanksgiving Day Eve. Family visiting family, friends visiting friends, college kids back in town. Oh, yea, it’s a biggie. It’s early out here in the PNW and The Stylish Vegan has decided to chill. You see, Mrs. Stylish Vegan and myself are driving down to Portland in the a.m. to visit fabulous friends for a couple of days. So tonight, some r&r is in order.

Veganistos, I had some conversations today with other vegans who expressed their tremendous dislike for this holiday. They don’t like what it represents, they say. TSV actually agrees with the whacked out version of this day that has been crammed down our throats since childhood. You know, the bullshit story; pilgrims and Indians peacefully share the bounty and together eat massive amounts of food, kiss, makeout, put some Barry White on, and the rest is “history”.

Probably the only part of that story that even remotely resembles true historical events is the Barry White segment. Every other bit of it is appalling, especially the whole turkey munching fest. So yes, kiddos, TSV is on the same page with the rejectors. Ahhh, but there’s an important difference, instead of boycotting or wearing a “I hate everything Thanksgiving” tee, I embrace it. And so should you vegheads.

This is our chance to shine! You’ve broken down the stereotype by showing up in a stylin’ outfit, I applaud you for that. Now, you can sit, smile and when the stinky dead bird is thrust before you, you politely say, “No thanks, I’m a vegan – I don’t eat animals”. Plain, simple, to the point. After some mumbling, someone is sure to ask – “Why? What gives?” That’s when you say, “I don’t believe in killing animals for my gastronomical pleasure. But I will have some of those fantastic green beans.”

Who’s gonna hate that dude? He’s polite, he’s looking good and he just laid a compliment on the green bean maker. How cool can you be? Veganoids, many of us are fortunate enough to have a decent life. TSV is thankful for that. I have the wondrous Mrs. Stylish Vegan, four insane gatos, fantastic friends and food and shelter every day. Why wouldn’t I be happy about that? Why wouldn’t I want to celebrate that?

Take the day and make it your own. This is one of the most powerful days on the calendar for educating the carnies and dairy-eaters. I look forward to it every year. This year, friends, is no exception. Now Christmas, don’t even get me started on that. Rest assured, as that “precious” day approaches, the rants will fly.

The Stylish Vegan has a non-celeb today for the VegNews Frivolous Celeb of the Day – Thanksgiving Week Edition. A regular ol’ Joe.

How sweet, another poster boy of the USA. What a fucking pig! Do you need any further inspiration? If this jackass doesn’t make you want to show up at the party looking awesome, you might as well join him with your own turkey leg.

The Stylish Vegan wishes all of my dear readers a fab Tofurky Day!

Well, Vegan Nationalists, we’re ready for numero cinco on the list of The Stylish Vegan’s amazing vegadaptation of GQ’s Ten Commandments. It seems like only yesterday I was writing about tailoring. Oh, how time flies when you are ignored by your ex-favorite vegan magazine. No time for whining, kids, there’s vegan stylin’ to be done. No. 5:

Thou shalt not wear a tie that is too slim

In GQ’s words: Unless you’re a hard-core fashion guy who favors a superskinny tie, stick with one that measures about three inches at its widest point. It will be narrower than traditional ties, but not by too much. Tie one on and you’ll look modern and sophisticated.

In TSV’s words: Stay far away from superskinny Romantics-style ties and get one sorta skinny. Traditional ties suck and they’re mostly made of vegan unfriendly silk. Tie a alternative material one on and you’ll be lookin’ the shit!

Veganistos, this one is challenging but believe you me (whatever that means) The Stylish One is up to this insanely daunting task. As I’m sure you know from your last visit to Barney’s, ties are made from the tortuous enslavement of silkworms. Alright, carnies and dairy/egg/leather wearing types known to the world as vegetarians, the superior intelligentsia of vegans dictates an empathy for all animals, so quit rolling your fucking eyes.

One way to go, which can be rewarding if you’re into treasure hunting, is a vintage clothing shop. Let’s get something straight right now, TSV is not under any circumstances suggesting that you go to a, come on, TSV, you can say it, a, a…thrift shop. There, I said it. We’re talking vintage here, with the adjective quality in front of it. Got it?

So a quick trip to Mr. Internet reveals this gem of a site, Rusty Zipper. Here’s a black rayon number that fits the bill perfectly.

Or for a little more excitement and pizazz:

I could pretty much go on all day at this site but I’ll let you darling veganistos venture into the thousands of ties available at this fab cyber store. But please remember, TSV will not be the least bit happy or willing to invite you to next year’s unmissable Rocktoberfest, if your inner desires get the best of you and your tie ends up skinnier than 2.5 or more than 3.5 inches. Then, I’m afraid, we have a problem.

Vintage ain’t your thang, ok, here are some high-end non-silk designer ties that might make you jump for excitement, if you got the dough that is. Try Tie Deals, on the web. Armani, Dolce Gabbana, Borrelli…stop it, stop it! TSV is getting way, way too excited about this. Amazing what those names do to your hero of style.

And lest we forget our dear, dear veganoid online pals at Pangea, who offer a small but stylish selection of cotton ties. (They also have hemp ties but, hello, do I even need to comment on that?) .

Veganheads, The Stylish Vegan has kicked major ass today. Now you have absolutely no excuse to step out in the crazy carn world in animalistic neckware. Consider the Fifth Commandment officially veganized!

And now on to our gratutitous VegNews Frivolous Celeb of the Day. Today we are fortunate enough to have the darling of green, the princess of veganism, Ms. Natalie Portman. Here’s our wonderful “convenient” vegan whoring herself out in Japan for who knows how many millions, to push shampoo from the evil empire of Unilever.

How sweeeeetttt!! I would love to have my cats watch it too but it seems that the company that PETA has pursued for years for horrifying animal testing leaves a sour taste in their little feline mouths. I guess when describing Natalie as “green”, we’re really just talking about the color of money. Good job, girlfriend!