The Stylish Vegan

Let’s get straight to it – I hate, no, I abhor flip flops/thongs that you wear on your feet not on your ass (that’s a whole other  issue). Today, The Stylish Vegan and Mrs. Stylish Vegan were on an ill-fated trip to an outlying island. People really live out here? Of course they do in their circa/perpetual (I’m into slashes tonight) hippy, tie dye, throw back 1960’s lives. Forget capital punishment, just send them out to this god-forsaken hell-hole.

To get to this “Woodstock of the 2000’s” one must take a ferry. And no ordinary ferry, it’s one that you have to wait 1 fucking excruciating hour to get on. So when you have this much serious downtime, you tend to notice the natives who are inevitably performing such tasks as heavy boulder-moving landscaping while wearing, you guessed it, flip fucking flops. Do I look like I’m joking?

I must admit, The Stylish Vegan owns a very loungy set of foot thongs. They work wonders when fetching the morning paper and munching  my Optimum Power cereal. But that’s it. Period, end of discussion. I would NEVER even admit the thought to my superior brain of wearing these uncomfortable and dangerous feet apparel beyond that. I don’t care if they give them away at the Kumbaya Vegetarian Fest, they are hideous and tortuous to anyone who wears them outside of slipper world.

And it gets worse! There are those moronic feeble-minded Republicanesque creatures who wear these things with, get ready…cargo shorts! Are my feet sooooo hot that I must wear these plastic dollar store “look at me, I’m so laid back” pieces of shit on my feet that I have to prove I really am in school at Arizona State by completing the idiocy with cargo shorts? Oh my fucking goddess!

You have the blessing of The Stylish Vegan to seek out these jackasses, especially those who show up for dinner at a restaurant wearing the unthinkable, to find the nearest 2×4 and muster up all the energy you thought you never had, and let it loose upon said cargosian thonger. Believe me, you will feel fulfilled and satisfied.

Sorry about the violent overtones but what do you expect when you throw flip flops and cargo shorts together in an orgy of tastelessness?

The Stylish Vegan isn’t one for shorts unless it’s a really, really casual affair and I’m throwing it. But there are those times when walking the neighborhood on a warm late afternoon or hosting a summer bash that may require shorts. First, the stereotype – cargo shorts. The most obnoxious summer short knows no barriers; college kids, Phish-heads, Dead-heads, college kids, and, oh, did I mention college kids?! Whatever you do, never, I repeat, never show up at a bbq with cargo shorts, unless you’re bringing them to tell the guests how stupid these awful things are. Instead try something like this.

I picked mine up at the Nordstrom Rack. They are fab and mine ran somewhere in the $20 range.

And for some fantastic casual shirts, if you’re not in the mood for a guayabera, try this nicely styled short sleeve number from Banana Republic.

I ordered a couple in different colors. At $49.50 you can’t go wrong.

Ok, so what do you put on your dogs? Sport sandals? I think I’m going to be ill. Never wear sport sandals in public unless it’s a private beach in the Caribbean where no one but your embarassed significant other will see you. Huaraches? The Stylish Vegan owns a snappy pair purchased at DSW for a Puerto Rican wedding. But for this outfit let’s look at something a bit more peppy.

Vans and Puma have some fantastic summer casual shoe choices. I bought these very stylish Vans at Zappos.com

And these two pairs from Puma rounded out my summer casual footwear.

So there you have it. A mightily simple outfit with your choice of sunsational footwear for under a buck fifty. And you know what? When you walk in with your Tofurkey dogs, everyone is going to request one because the stylish summer guest has arrived and…he’s a fucking VEGAN!!