The Stylish Vegan

Welcome to the youth of The Stylish Vegan. This is the poverty I was privileged to be born in to. You don’t believe me, go to 1479 Cavalry in Detroit. There you will find the birth place of The Stylish One.

This is what inspires me. This is what makes me irate at the love fest toward “rich, celeb vegans” who really aren’t vegan at all except it’s something that makes them “different” or “radical” or makes them feel good. And loathing the publications that embrace them to appease advertisers. Don’t believe TSV? Check out Nat Portman in any Japanese, animal-torturing, UniLever ad. Or how about when she showed up recently to discuss the virtues of veganism in an angora sweater? Yes, heroes indeed!

The Stylish Vegan thought it important that I give you all a bit of my background. While poor, style abounded! My mission; spread it to the masses but in a non killing way. A non hurtful manner. No agenda. No fashion du jour that many “celebs” and “celebophiles” seem to embrace. Pure love. Pure respect for life.

The Stylish Vegan was able to embrace this background with the understanding that even the poorest voices needed to be heard. They didn’t do this by kissing Natalie Portman’s ass. They didn’t do this by showing what a fine example meat-chomper Harrison Ford is for “shaving his chest to represent the decimation of the rain forest”. They did this looking stylish, looking like they were a force to be heard and respected while all the while be the underdog.

Oh the lessons we learn, Vegan Nation, the lessons we learn. From White Castle to tofu, it seems a long road but one certainly worthy of the travel.

Good night, VegHeads!

The Stylish Vegan is a bit ornery today. No, the dry cleaner did not lose my fab new pants; today, Vegan Nation, my anger lies with fur fucks. Especially celeb fur fucks. You all know my compete disdain for celebritydom after years of working with these morons, so you can imagine the seething hatred that brews when I hear of celebs who wear fur.

And the scummiest of the douches are the absolute non-talents that the least common denominator in our society have deemed worthy of praise and adulation. Since this is a men’s fashion site, Veganistos, TSV will focus upon to dumbshits who happen to be male fur fucks.

This talentless bum wearing the tortured skin of some mutilated animal is Busta Rhymes. TSV is not really sure what this jackass has done in his life to reap millions of dollars and exploit little creatures but there must be enough imbeciles out there who think he has “something”.

And they are correct – he does have something; it’s called no talent. None. Nada. Zero. If for some bizarre reason you happen to be a fan of whatever this douche does, leave this site now. Really. I don’t want you here.

Now that The Stylish One has cleared the riff raff, let’s move on to the other celeb fur fuck on our list today. Once again, it happens to be another low life whose celebrity stumps TSV. He is Sean Puff Daddy or Puff or what the fuck, get a real name – you too Busta. Anyway, here’s our master copycat artist (sorry to even use that word) in all his pelt ridden glory.

The sight of this talentless bum makes my skin crawl. Hey, there’s an idea, let’s skin him and let some cold little furry friends don his ectoplasm when attending the next mink rap bash. Seriously, VegHeads, what has this dude done other than rip off other peoples’ music and put a pathetic elctro beat to it? He can’t sing and he really, really can’t dance, so what gives? Oh yes, the least common denominator or, in other words, the majority of our wonderful country.

As you all know, TSV is a somewhat gentle soul. Right? You know that? But I give you all full permission to take a baseball bat to the head of either of these useless clowns the next time you happen to see them smiling in their dead animal skins. And make sure they know, right before you swing the lumber, that TSV sent you to deliver this skull bashing blow.

Wow – how violent! I’m sorry, gang, but The Stylish Vegan has no place for fur fucks, especially when sites like The Fur Council of America roll these shitheads “celebrities” and others out for the public to admire their bad taste in cruelty. Hey, FICA, The Stylish Vegan has a message for you:

And while you’re at it, shove it up your collective ass!

On a lighter fur note, TSV ran across a little site while researching this entry (yes, it does involve research) that turned out to be pretty cool. Check this out, it’s called KidzWorld and it has an entire bit on the awfulness of fur. Kudos to them and make sure every kid you know reads this. If they’re too young to read, you read it to them. Let’s start them young, Vegan Nation, so they don’t turn out to be like our dumbass shit-for-brains celebs we so warmly discussed today.

Ok, it’s Friday, The Stylish One is hangin’ at his fave bar sipping a nice vegan beer. You should do the same. Have an exciting and awe-filled weekend!

Hola, Vegan Nation, the lovely weekend is upon us and The Stylish Vegan is ready to cut loose. But first, sartorial duty calls. Before the vegan beer flows and the fab veg Mexican food is served, TSV must enhance your knowledge of all that is vegan style – even on the weekend. You’re welcome.

I received an email recently from a dandy Veganisto named George who presented TSV with a rather kick-ass website for vegan ties. An accessory that is seriously difficult to find in our animal happy world that not only looks chic but excludes the shit of silkworms.

Well, gang, check this out:

These wonderful satin and cotton creations come from Jann J – purveyor of insanely beautiful vegan ties. It’s a selection that these veteran style-seeking veganoid eyes has never seen. Spend some time on the site. Go ahead, we’ll wait right here.

See, just like TSV said – a pretty fucking great selection, right? Thanks again to George of the Vegan Nation for that fantastic five star tip!

Now The Stylish One must run and get into something stylish and sassy for a Saturday evening out. Adios, amigos!

It’s Friday, Vegan Nation, and The Stylish One is short on time, so let’s get right to it. With all that warmth, sun and melting ice, a stylin’ vegan is going to need a kick-ass pair of sunglasses. Right now, TSV is extremely happy with the pair I have from L.A. Eyeworks. They’re super stylin’ brushed aluminum with prescription dark blue lenses. Problem is, they’re kind of small and don’t give the best UV protection. Certainly not the safety we’ll need for the big melt down!

So off to the frame store I trekked yesterday on a mission. Now you see, Veganistos, your hero was born with a severe case of astigmatism. For years, I inserted contacts in my eyes and endured the shit that accompanies that. Two years ago, I opted out. There were so many fab frames available, why not kick it with some Alain Mikli’s? Needless to say, and I’m sure you already knew this, they look stunning on my mug. But I digress, we’re talking sunglasses here, already.

Now when TSV searches for sunglass frames, they have to be able to handle the crazy-ass curvy lenses to correct my baby hazels. Well needless to say, my fast friends at Optical Illusions in Seattle had the solution: Chrome Hearts. It was love at first sight.

VegHeads, these photos do not even come close to portraying the beauty of these fabulistic frames. Gorgeous! And on TSV’s handsome visage, the world stopped rotating when I checked the mirror.

Ok, so they’re a bit spendy at $550, but come on, we’re talking the proverbial end of mankind here. Are you really going to spend the next interglacial period in Rayban’s. Give me a fucking break!

Now that we’ve decided upon our eye protection for the much anticipated end of the Ice Age, TSV is going to quickly shift gears with a little VegNews Frivolous Celeb of the Day.

This shit-for-brains perjurer when asked by Congress, “Are you a vegan?”, shuffled uncomfortably for a few seconds then responded, “Uh, I….I’m…I don’t know what that is.” You are one stupid, Texas-sized, Bush-loving, douchebag! TSV hopes to BMW God that you go to prison and take it up your moronic, 50 IQ ass!

Vegan Nation, as we slowly grind our way out of the present Ice Age and into another interglacial period, things are heating up, literally. And this has The Stylish Vegan full of anxiety. After a quick look at my wardrobe, I realized I am incredibly ill-prepared for the warming ahead. Oh the horror!

Don’t get the Dapper One wrong, I’m embracing this pause between ice sheets covering our hemisphere. Who doesn’t want sun and warmth for years on end? But I only have summer wardrobe for 4-5 months, not years. Years as in 10 – 20,000! All the designers on the planet combined don’t even come close to providing cutting edge style over this period. So you can see TSV’s concern.

The good news, Veganistos, is that we’re several thousands of years away from semi-perma heat, give or take a few hundred with that wacky human carbon interaction factor. Regardless, it’s a decent amount of time to prepare. And I’ll need every decade of it, believe me.

So over the next few days, we’ll examine global warming couture. Since most of us are heading into summer soon, we can use this fashionistic information in the near future. Just think of it as a test drive for the future. We’ll do just fine. But whatever you do, please don’t tell me that the axis will tilt again, and thrust us into another era of ice, as has happened over and over and over again. I can only deal with one major fashion shift at a time, VegHeads!

The Stylish One has to run, but I’ll leave you with this very funny clip by our favorite rational mind, George Carlin.

Vegan Nation, The Stylish One purposely held off a day to write about this lunacy known as the Academy Awards. You are well aware of my total disdain for award shows. I’m not against given recognition for accomplishment in your chosen field but please do it over a simple dinner somewhere. We really, really don’t need to see you kiss each other’s asses on national television.

And while this idiotic display is moronic enough, this year they were fucking “green”. Whatever the hell that means. Are you serious, Academy? “Green” has officially passed into the “now I am going to vomit if I ever here the word again” phase. That’s about one step away from a mass murder spree, so please, cool it. But the Oscars? The epitome of gross opulence and excess? The only “green” truly represented here is the one with presidents’ pictures on them.

When you bring hundreds of people together into a gigantic auditorium with lights, cameras and boring action, and broadcast it to the world, conservation isn’t the first thing that comes to TSV’s mind. I’m thinking more like…waste; as in energy, time and brain cells. Pure, unadulterated waste, VegHeads.

And lest my detractors (as if I really have any of those) think TSV isn’t qualified to make judgements against these wonderfully dreadful people, think again. I spent years in this hideous, self-serving, egotistical business. You’d be very hard pressed to find an IQ in that crowd above 100. Believe me, it’s all about the money, baby. Pure and simple. “Green” is just another passing fancy to justify this orgy of self-love.

It gets worse too. A lot worse. The airwaves and cyber world are full of programs and blogs and sites dedicated to what these losers are wearing. They’re fucking actors trying to out do each other with mostly extremely gaudy gowns and ill-fitting tuxedos. They want this to be a formal event yet it looks more like a warped teenage prom.

The Stylish Vegan has been to a formal evening event or two in my glorious existence and am somewhat of an expert in attire. Thank you, Veganistos for bestowing that title upon me. So whether it’s the Oscars or your own industry’s formal affair, choices are extremely simple.

For the ladies:

For men:

Now is that so difficult? Do we really need to spend endless hours discussing this on every media outlet in the world? Elegance. Style. Refinement. Regardless as to who these people wearing these clothes may be, they are excellent guides for all of you in the Vegan Nation to follow when formal affairs come calling.

As for the “green” Academy Awards, go back to a nice little affair with a dinner amongst yourselves. Just think of the energy you’ll be saving. No big auditorium, no bright lights, no millions of televisions tuned in; sounds like heaven to TSV.

Finally, we come to that fab time of the evening; the VegNews Frivolous Celeb of the Day. This seems to get easier each day thanks to our wonder vegan/vegetarian/hypocrite and TSV favorite, Ms. Natalie Portman.

According to my fast friends at ecorazzi.com, Gnat, showed up for an interview about her new vegan shoe line which she swears she’s only doing for “lack of choices” (right) wearing a cashmere sweater. Vegan Nation, you are all well aware that cashmere ain’t vegan or vegetarian. Poor Gnatalie, she just can’t get this publicity stunt right, can she?

Vegan Nation, it was The Stylish Vegan’s celebration of my day of birth this past weekend. Thank you, but I really had nothing to do with being born, Mother Stylish Vegan did all the work. I just popped my little head out, with perfectly styled hair of course, and sprung to life. Oh, the memories. So TSV, MSV and dear friends Marcus and Anna, hopped in the Bimmer and headed three hours north to Vancouver.

If you’ve never been to this fashionably wonderful town, go. Tomorrow. Just go. There may be no prettier city in North America; it’s stunning. For you VegHeads that have been there, you’re well aware of the fabulistic shopping and food this Canadian gem has to offer. It is easily one of, if not the, most vegan-friendly joints in this hemisphere. That alone is reason for Veganistos to travel here. But we would starve by only existing on food; we need fashion. And Vancouver oozes it.

There’s a fantastic style here; much more Euro than most U.S. cities. It’s laid back but don’t interpret that as style slouchiness. No way. These folks gots it goin’ on when in comes to putting together outfits for any occasion. And, kids, my girlfriend of couture lives here as well. Ms. Zara.

TSV can never say enough about the beauty of Zara. She seems to know me so well; my size, my personality; my bank account. That’s what makes her so special. I can’t help but wonder when designers at Banana Republic will realize these European fits are where it’s at.  I understand that they have to cater to the disgusting obesity factor that plagues this country of fatty-meat ingesting carnivores but they’re missing a gigantic boat here. If your hero could buy Zara online, my BR Luxe card would go through the shredder in a split second.

Until that time, Vegan Nation, you’ll just have to continue to twist my arm and force me back up to the gorgeousness of British Columbia.  I’ll do that for you, friends, I’m just that kind of guy.

“Hey, Stylish One, you didn’t even mention the Oscars! What gives?” Calm down. Everybody and their brothers are writing Academy stories today. As for TSV, I’ll dedicate tomorrow to the “VegNews Frivolous Celeb of the Day Oscar Edition”.  Now that’s an exciting useless award show recap!

The Stylish Vegan sure hopes these nattily dressed souls weren’t gunned down for their fashion choices back in 1929. As we know, the fashion police can be brutal but this might be taking it a bit too far. A sensationally stylish massacre that always creeps in on the day we celebrate the pagan festival, Lupercalia. Of course, like every other pagan holiday, it was hijacked by the Roman Catholics and turned into a day to honor somebody that nobody knows anything about, St. Valentine.

Vegan Nation, this day marks the time in history when it was no longer accepted to wear light colored fedoras with dark suits. A turning point in the fashion timeline. And it only took a couple of thugs with Tommy guns and a hatred of ill-advised wardrobe choices to make this a truly memorable day!

Vegan Nation, it’s pouring in Seattle. Some goddam thing known as the little christ child, in a feminine sense, or la nina as the weather folk like to tell us, has kept us fairly wet. The Stylish Vegan doesn’t mind the precip so much, it’s infinitely better than dealing with snow. One of the most idiotic statements I heard whilst in the Middle West when the temperature was -15 some jackass would always spout, “At least it’s sunny!”  Are you fucking our of your mind?! It’s 15 fucking below zero!! So needless to say some rain and 50 doesn’t bother this happy-go-lucky vegan much.

So with the weekend rapidly approaching and more showers on the horizon, time to make some shopping plans. And you know what, veganistos? Today the best men’s store in all of Seattle declared through cyber mail that they are having a HUGE sale this weekend. Let it rain, baby!

They’re called Oslo’s, A Men’s Store and they carry some of the best names in fashion. Certainly garments you don’t find anywhere else around this ol’ seaport town.

You’ll find Robert Graham:

Loomstate organic clothing is there:

Theory makes an apparence:

Ok, ok, you get it. It’s going to be a fabulistic sale, vegheads. This stuff doesn’t come cheap, so sale time is happy time. A wondrous way to put sunshine in a rainy day. You in? Let’s hit it. See you Saturday!

Winding down with today’s VegNews Frivolous Celeb of the Day, we turn toward that pillar of vegan journalism, VegNews themselves! Now that’s convenient. Congratulations, staff!

Now that our fave mag is publishing their very own food blog in cyberland, Cafe VegNews, all the awards and accolades can be kept in house. Brilliant! Sorry FatFree Vegan, your days at day at the top are numbered. You see, Vegan Nation, VegNews and the leather-pushing darling of their publication, ecorazzi.com, can now ride off into the sunset on a fuel efficient horse, wearing leather Air Jordans and snacking on pumpkin ravioli. Isn’t love wonderful?

Hey, Vegan Nation, The Stylish Vegan is heading back to the Emerald City after a very successful week in Minniehoopolis. The month of traveling is winding down and soon it will be TSV, MSV and the gatos hangin’ for the holidays. As the Yellow Cab pulls up in front of the compound this eve, MSV will be smack in the middle of throwing a small get together. So, the party officially starts tonight, vegheads.

And speaking of parties, TSV has several to attend this holiday season as I’m sure all of my darling readers do as well. That brings up the obvious question: What to wear to these stylin’ affairs? Well, normally, that would be a rather nagging concern but this year brought with it a wonderful solution; my dear friend Zara.

“Alright, Stylish One, who is Zara?”, you ask in melodic harmony. Nicely done, by the way. Zara is this:

Pretty stylin’, no? Zara is a kick-ass clothing store. Fashion for the masses. Now, TSV had seen Zara in various cities but had never realized they catered to dashing dandies until the Zara Men store in Santa Monica wandered into my life. I had always held a seething envy each time MSV and I stepped into a Zara. Why can’t there be a men’s version? Why, Santa, why? Ahhhhh, but there is and I’m a happy fashionisto.

Zara is part of the Spanish fashion group, Inditex (weird name, don’t you think?) And they put out Euro cut men’s fashion. Shirts that aren’t baggy, thin-legged pants, fab suits and best of all, get this, it’s pretty damn inexpensive. Kids, I purchased several items at the SM store and donned them beautifully upon my slender frame to endless comments. That sealed the deal, veganistos, I was hopelessly in love.

Now for the bad news; Zara ain’t in a whole bunch of places yet.  If you’re in a the U.S. and not located, for the most part, in one of the big cities on the coast, you’re SOL. And to make matters worse, you can’t order on line. Sucks, doesn’t it? Yes…and no. I don’t want everybody having access to my new found love. Zara is mine and while we will try to maintain a long distance relationship, I will dream of new styles that they will be creating for The Stylish Vegan. Well, maybe not just for me, I guess…..I’m sorry I can’t continue, it’s too difficult.

Ok, I’m well enough now for The VegNews Frivolous Celeb of the Day. And because my plane is boarding, I have nothing to say other than, what a weird-ass looking person.

‘Nuff said. Adios, gangstas.