The Stylish Vegan

Well, Vegan Nation, MSV and I have discovered that one of our beloved gatos, Gomez, was diagnosed with diabetes last week. Yes our little Gomie of 14 years, known to all as “The Party Cat” for her love of being the Belle of the Ball while wearing her stylin’ perma-tux, has a touch of the sugar.

Of course TSV’s immediate reaction was devastation. I didn’t know much about feline diabetes so I feared the worse – for about 10 minutes. My dear friend, Mr. Internet, calmed my fears immediately and assured me that this vet’s diagnosis was by no means a death sentence for Gome. Whew!

But…insulin and home glucose testing would be part of TSV’s life for the foreseeable future. A tight schedule of shots and monitoring don’t really fit well into The Stylish Vegan’s fancy-freeness of a lifestyle. But we’re talking Gomie here, kids, so by any means necessary – to quote my dear friend, Mr. X.

Alright, I’m ready, TSV thought to myself. Let’s do some intensive research. You see, VegHeads, TSV is known for my insane obsession with research. I simply must know everything there is to know about any subject affecting my life. Within a day or two, I would be a feline diabeties expert. Yes, even moreso than Wilfred Brimley!

First thing The Stylish One discovered was to not even think of injecting my little girl without first taking her off of that high carb dry diet she’s spent her entire life devouring. The best vet and expert in feline sugar instructed me to put her on an almost zero carb, high protein diet – affectionately known as the Catkin’s Diet – how clever! No problem, just steer me toward some food and we’re on our way to low blood glucose.

Well, Veganistos, it’s one thing to feed your kitty dry food combined with some animal product that has no resemblance to actual flesh. But it’s quite another when wet food like this becomes the lifesaver for Gomie.

In case you can’t see the writing on the label, these foods are 95% meat. As in, beef, duck and venison. Here’s how the company describes it:

“To bridge the gap between what was once the ideal diet in the wild, and what science defines as an optimal nutritional profile, Natura Pet Products has developed the ideal ancestral diet: EVO.”

Vegan Nation, why do I suddenly feel like Ted Nugent? When you open these cans, gang, there’s no doubt that that’s Daffy or Bambi in the can. OMG! I’m freaking out just thinking about it! Help!

So after a bout of violent shaking and sleeplessness, TSV realized that this was without doubt the right thing to do. Cats are carnivores. They are programmed that way. And The Stylish Vegan has no right to try and force my ideals and lifestyle upon this beautiful creature of nature. (You hear that, Gome? I called you beautiful – how about that?)

The Stylish Vegan has a message to the vegan world that you may not want to hear. Cats cannot and never will be vegans. No matter how hard you try. It’s impossible. Read my lips, impossible. And trying to force one to be, is cruel and irresponsible. I don’t care what you’ve read or who told you otherwise, they’re wrong. Period.

I’ve harmed my cats through the years by not following their natural diets. I was wrong about that. Vegans, if you plan on have cat companions bear in mind, they need meat. Lots of it. The closer to nature the better. If you can’t do that, don’t get a cat. Try a cow or a hippo or an elephant but never a cat.

Here’s to Gomie! She’ll do well regardless of all the harm this vegan unknowingly afflicted upon her through the years.

Vegan Nation, what a crazy, strange and increasingly stressful world we are inhabiting. All the old shit still holds true: people eating happy animals for pleasure, wearing them, exploiting them, etc. But now we are presented with an entirely new insanity as well: the world economy is in an awful, horrific, sickening situation.

Everything is getting more and more expensive and there are less and less funds to go around. People are looking for more and more ways to scrimp and save on everything. And sadly, VegHeads, food is right up there on the list. Let’s see do I pay 5 bucks for that vegan burger or head to the dreaded Value Meal?

Ok, so that really isn’t a choice for The Stylish One or the rest of you wondrously and highly intelligent folks, i.e. Vegan Nation, but it doesn’t help the cause. The cheaper the food, in this awful environment, the more They will flock to it. Fuck animal rights, I gotta eat!

But it doesn’t stop there. Unfortunately, vegan products tend to be rather costly when compared with their animal-raped counterparts. All those wonderful friends of TSV who have set up shops to cater to our animal-loving ways may face peril. It becomes increasingly difficult, veganistos, to shell out a hundred smackers for a pair of shoes these days when “the old ones will do just fine”.

And, brace yourselves, TSV hasn’t purchased a single item from BR in over six weeks! OMFG! Is this the end of the world? Calm down, already!! Of course it’s not. As a matter of fact, TSV has received some bright, shiny messages from the Vegan Nation in these tough time to let us know, our veganistic world is not only intact but thriving and continually building!

Just check this out from TSV reader Robert Black who shares my affection for the perfecto martini. Mr. Black has taken up the cause of finding a vegan vermouth. A cause, I might add, that The Stylish Vegan has not been able to make any headway in obtaining answers. Seems that Bob, we’re pretty tight now, discovered that  Noilly Prat is indeed vegan. And to think they wouldn’t even answer my emails! Asswipes! Anyway, muchismo gracias Rober Black for the presistence and for bringing some alcoholic sunshine to my day.

And a big shout out to Brittany Cooke from Toms Shoes for highlighting their new vegan shoe styles. Also, Toms partnered with Whole Foods to sell an exclusive line of Vegan TOMS, made of recycled plastic bottles and hemp, according to Ms. Cooke. Check these out:

Now, TSV has written about Toms in the past so you’re all well aware of their dedication to give a pair of shoes to a child in need for every pair purchased. That continues to be incredibly awesome! And at 40 bucks a pair, I mean, that fits our recessionary paramters; inexpensive, unique and really stylin’.

Wow, I feel so much better now! Who gives a fuck about a failing economy?! The Vegan Nation musters up the strength and support for our brethren when the situation calls for it. And now more than ever! Really, gang, TSV doesn’t want to have to hit the Value Meal!

When one discovers, Vegan Nation, that intense pain emanating from a terribly rotten hip can be eased with the assistance of a cane, incredibly awful visions of walking sticks come to mind. You know, the adjustable metal things with blue handles. Oh, dear lord, please no! The Stylish Vegan with a standard issued hospital endorsed cane? No way, Joe! Hell no, Jose!

After a minor freak out, as TSV is sometimes prone, Mr. Internet offered a fab solution: fashionablecanes.com! Who knew? So after sifting through the sensational site, TSV ordered, received and is now proudly donning, this beauty:

Gorgeous, si? The site is great, it allows you to not only choose your styling stick but makes them to size. Handy instructions on how to measure make it oh so easy to get a gorgeous cane that’s not only practical but an accessory to die for as well! And it only took a awfully arthritic hip to bring it to my doorstep.

And in case you are wondering, VegHeads, it’s 1000% vegan and not tested on any animals. No cats, no dogs, no zebra, nothing. Oh, and lest TSV forgets, it’s an amazing weapon of self-defense. Believe me, you don’t want to be on the receiving end of a wicked swing of this baby!

So there you have it, Veganistos, pain and suffering can have a beautifully fashionable result. Problem is, once the recovery is complete, TSV isn’t going to want to toss this in the closet never to be seen again. I guess the other hip has to go at some time.

Hey, VegHeads, TSV hasn’t thrown out a VegNews Frivolous Celeb of the Day in an eternity. Well enough of that noise, we have a winner today. From our dear friends at ecorazzi.com we learned the following:

“Bono Rails Against $700 Billion For Wall Street, But No Billions For Fighting Disease, Hunger”. Well, Mr. Bono, just so happens TSV knows a thing or two about how Wall Street works and I’m venturing to guess probably about 100 times more than Sonny.

TSV understands your frustration, pal, but you aren’t seeing the big picture here. This “$700 billion for Wall Street” is actually for every person in this country and, I will be so bold to say, many around the world. You see, Bono, the banking system in the U.S. of A. is on the verge of total collapse. How does that affect us, not you, I’m assuming your dough is stashed in some off shore account? If this money doesn’t come through to stem, not to fix, just to shore up the banking system, Joe Public may go to his bank next week to get money and it ain’t going to be there.

This is serious, serious shit, BoneHead. Much more serious than most understand. This money needs to buy this toxic paper or we are in a gigantic boatload of hurt. And those diseased and hungry you speak of? Well, there will be plenty of them right here in the homeland if no assistance is forthcoming.

Bono, a lesson from TSV: Don’t go spouting off shit when you don’t understand it. Not only does it make you look incredibly foolish, but it’s not going to help you sell records in your now stagnant career!

Vegan Nation, that odd but beautifully designed device you see above is The Stylish Vegan’s new hip! Yes, in a mere 30 days, your friend, advisor and knower of all that is style, will be flat on his back in surgery receiving this wondrous titanium contraption.

TSV has known for two years or so that this day would come eventually. But being the glutton for punishment that I am so fashionably know for, I put up with the pain…until now. It fucking hurts like you wouldn’t believe! Thus, the impending surgical procedure.

That’s where the “non vegan” part comes into play. Yes, the hospital is well aware of my nonviolent inclinations when it comes to our dear animal pals, so I’m covered food-wise. But what about all those meds, VegHeads? OMG most pharmaceuticals are made of animal parts and surely tested upon Fluffly and her kin. What’s a vegan to do?

Well, it hurts me to say this, in more ways than you know, when it comes to pain management, TSV will find himself squarely in the non-vegan camp for a few days. I just can’t see any way around it. This shit is going to hurt and if the tainted drugs of our brave new med world numb that, I’m in. Of course, I will be thinking of all those who gave their lives for the inroads in science that created these pills. TSV will have pain, in my heart, acknowledging this, but it’s something I have to do.

Vegan Nation, these are the types of decisions we face in modern times. As much as I would love to not perpetuate this practice, reality smacks me dead in the face.

Stay tuned – this is going to be one crazy-ass ride!

Hey, Vegan Nation, The Stylish One has been away for a while traveling. Firstly, a week long business venture then off to a vacation with MSV to the Great PNW! More precisely, the Olympic Peninsula. Not much of an outdoorsy sort of lad, (you can seriously muck up some wardrobe) TSV took a deep breath and dove right in.

How can you not want to venture into the wilderness when it looks like this?, I asked myself – really.

See what I mean? And it’s all in TSV’s backyard!

But let’s back up a bit, there was some prep involved before embarking upon a vegan journey into the remote backwoods of Washington. What would I wear? What would I eat? Why were there warnings that giant elk may be on the attack? Would TSV make it out alive?

Ok, VegHeads, since that last question still sends shivers up my spine, let’s talk gear. You need some serious elemental protection out there. Protection that TSV does not possess. Sure I have my stylish Marmot rain jacket but that’s where it abruptly stops. No hiking boots, no rain resistance paints, no expensive form-fitting jackets that say North Face on the front. No nothing.

But The Stylish Vegan didn’t let those little wardrobe issues stand in my way. So for me, it was the Saucony multi-purpose athletic shoes, BR jeans and various “rugged” sweaters. And, thanks to the Vegan Gods, the weather was insanely gorgeous so none of this really was an issue. Man, but it sure could have been. Had a storm blown in, your Stylish Dandy would have been a soaking, soggy, muddy mess. I can’t even begin to tell you how happy I am that that scenario didn’t play out.

Oh, and I forgot. See up in the title where it says, “sort of”? Ok, so we stayed in a lodge. Nothing fancy; very remote. Technically, not camping per se, but for The Stylish Vegan this was a major step in the evolution of my future stylish outdoorsman persona. Some may call it whimpy, TSV calls it heroic!

Really, now that my citiness has had a tasted of this fabulousness, I’m going to get serious about gear. And no better place to start than hiking boots. Here’s one from Garmont that seems to fit the bill:

It’s even billed as the Kiowa Vegan XCR. How can TSV go wrong? Here’s what else they say, “THE FINAL WORD: Best for anyone who wants a leather-free hiking shoe that can comfortably schlep anything up to a weekend load. ” The Stylish Vegan says “sign me up, baby!”

Alright, so there we have it, TSV’s first step into serious outdoorsiness. Who knows, this could lead to me actually sleeping in a tent, cooking outside on the fire, relieving myself in the woods – what?! Whoa, wait a second, let’s take this in really, really tiny baby steps.

Vegan Nation, there is an awful crisis we are currently mired in. It doesn’t get much worse than this and there is no end in site in the foreseeable future. That’s right, friends, The Stylish One is horrifically watching as the world of man-made fashionable shoes stagnates right before our tear-soaked eyes.

Back in the good ol days of vegan shopping, TSV could always rely upon old friends to introduce new and exciting flavas each year with even more kick-ass peds arriving constantly. It seemed like the future of animal-friendly footwear was heading toward nirvana. So what the hell happened?

TSV recalls the days, VegHeads, when I would excitedly turn on my computer, open the favorites folder and gush with happiness at the site of sexy new men’s shoes on my screen. The world was changing before my beautiful hazel eyes. Where only hideous, nun-approved shoes ruled, high fashion muscled its way in and a revolution was afoot – so to speak.

And MooShoes led the way. Although expensive, a formidable selection from up and coming veg shoe makers graced their site and the choices improved monthly. Some better than others but there was, for the first time, choice.

Then came our dear friends a Bourgeois Boheme. Veganistos, they changed the playing field even further. Now it was possible to buy shoes that rivaled almost any animal-skinned product out there. Gorgeous and well made, TSV feasted upon this selection.

No Harm Shoes entered the fray with some of the highest fashion choices yet. These beautiful and bank-breaking, non leather kicks were the Holy Grail of vegan couture. Now, the Vegan Nation, not only had one but several choices for completing the seriously dandy wardrobe.

And then it ended. Just like that. The Stylish One’s eager anticipation of rushing to the iMac to search for new shoes came to a screeching halt. Was this it? Would TSV’s dream of mainstream-manufactured, high-stylin’, veg shoes disappear in a cloud of leather tanning solution toxic dust? Sadly, kids, it seems to be. Through no fault of our fab friends above, it’s just that the supply is not there.

But why? Why the fuck can TSV favorite Nat Portman create a line of fashionable women’s shoes? And what about Stella McCartney? Steve Madden? My god, you can’t go through a DSW without tripping over pleather women’s pumps from this dude. So what gives? If there is such a demand for constant supply and creation of female footwear, can’t there be for us dudes too?

So here we stand, veganistos, on August 28, 2008 with the same shoe styles we had on August 28, 2007. It’s a sad time – a crisis indeed! But let’s not take this sitting on our asses. That’s not how TSV rolls! Let’s man the computers and write. Write to shoe designers, manufacturers, major stores – anyone to make our voices heard! We want stylish, animal-friendly shoes and lots of them, goddammit! Are you with me?

Alrighty, time for the VegNews Frivolous Celeb of the Day. Today’s person of note (well not really since TSV has never heard of her – but ecorazzi says so) is Sophie Monk.

Apparently, ecorazzi (a non-vegan blog but highly praised by the vegan VegNews) took issue with Ms. Monk purchasing food from KFC. A “PETA supporter”, ecorazzi screams, “Totally Busted!” and then goes on to explain why this is horrible (again from a non-vegan writer). Hey, ecorazzi, TSV wants to know what’s in the bag?

Ok, TSV occasionally eats fast food on the road. I have no issue with cheese-less bean burritos from Taco Bell. Actually, I quite enjoy them, thank you. But for ecorazzi to condemn this woman without knowing what she bought (vegetarian sides perhaps, food for a friend) is just wrong. Especially coming from a writer who, I say again, is not a vegan.

Best ecorazzi line by far from the post, “True, there’s nothing illegal about eating at KFC (although there should be)”…Why? you eat meat, why are they any different from any other purveyor of flesh that you purchase from? So get off you fucking, suck-up-to-vegetarians, high horse and leave this woman alone! That from TSV’s vegan high horse.

**UPDATE**

It appears TSV was mistaken in the VegNews portion of this post. The writer, who goes by Parrish, is indeed a vegan! (gasp!!) The Stylish One, yes this is incredibly difficult to believe, was wrong. While I still have problems with condemning this “celebrity” and just celebritydom in general, I am officially changing my appraisal of Mr. Parrish’s “suck-up-to-vegetarians high horse” to a Stylish Vegan High Horse. Please accept TSV’s sincerest apology.

Vegan Nation, it’s that hideous time of year for the young folk – BTS (Of course, it used to just be called “Back to School” until Wal-Mart, K-Mart, Target-Mart, etc. branded it). And being the generous soul that The Stylish Vegan is, I’ve decided to empathize with the teen VegHeads and put myself in their man-made, but incredibly tasteful, shoes.

So off to BR, TSV strode, looking to grab some fashionable couture for that first day back. BTW: BR, as you notice at their website, receives huge Stylish Vegan Points for not mentioning the dreaded “BTS” on their tastefully designed site. Having racked up some credit on the Luxe Card, I had a sum in mind and, dammit, I was going to use every penny of it! And certainly, kids, there would be some sales, no?

As it turns out, BR was in the midst of their 30% off 30 Decade sale. How did TSV not know about this sooner since I receive every conceivable email the company can imaginably send? Oh, well, no biggie, “I’m gonna get me some stylin’ back to school wear”, I actually said to myself as I entered. Now, some people say that they say things to themselves but don’t really mean it. The Stylish Vegan means it – I always talk out loud to myself. I guess it makes me feel like I have a really cool, well-dressed, vegan friend.

Upon entering with the excitement of a little kid with his first dradle at Hannukah, TSV immediately noticed the lack of “sale” signage that sings, “Buy me, oh, Stylish One.” Mmmm….bait and switch? Was your hero duped into a “sale of all our shitty clothes” sale”? Yes, and no. Sure the premo garb that I was drooling over was full blown price. But the 30% off items actually included end of summer shirts that would look so dashing as I theoretically entered the halls of higher education in a week or two.

First off, polos. Buy two get 30% off. TSV can live with that. Especially when many are marked down to begin with. I should note here that I own most of these polos so my selection was fairly limited. And realizing I have nothing but minimalist solids in my expansive wardrobe, TSV went for, I ain’t shittin’ you, stripes!

I have to say, MSV was quite impressed that stripage actually made it into my wardrobe. I still think she’s skeptical but rest assured no sinister motives were at play here. Simply, The Stylish Vegan wants horizontal lines on his BTS-wear. Is that so wrong?

Having already owned just about everything worth a damn in the “sale” section already, TSV, drifted into full price land. Not intending to purchase anything, “there’s nothing wrong with looking”, I told myself, and besides I have more credit left to use. “So there!”, I announced loudly as the staff looked with heads tilted like puppy dogs.

Within seconds, TSV was drawn to the Heritage Collection. BR’s Heritage Collection is nirvana to me. Slim fit pants in fabulous styles with muted color schemes. Who would really want anything more?, I ask you Vegan Nation. Again, with many Heritage clothes already within the wondrous confines of my dressing room, something new would certainly wipe that remaining credit from account within seconds.

And so it did:

Veganistos, TSV is a sucker – actually a huge, enormous, gigantic, sucker for anything “slim fit”. These pants fit the bill perfectly; stylish and extremely comfy for those long lectures in the make-believe Classics class. Fab! The only problem, yes, there is always a problem, was that they came in two colors. Oh, no! I don’t have enough credit for that! “Resist, TSV, resist!!”

It was like talking The Stylish Vegan off the ledge. “You can do it”, I told myself. “Besides, TSV, you have an ace in the hole. You, my dearest friend, possess a ‘personal shopping day’ card. Relax, you can come back and buy lots and lots of fashionable gear on another day.” But what about BTS?, I questioned myself without quotation marks. And that’s when the reality set in. TSV is not really going back to school so I can procure these beauties anytime. See how nice and productive it is to have conversations with yourself?

Ok, there you have it, TSV’s BTS additions to my collection of threads. Not a lot but when you’re on a budget and you’re not really going back to school, it’ll do.

We have a very exciting VegNews Frivolous Celeb of the Day this glorious afternoon. The Vegan Nation is well aware of our sacred and benevolent god, BMW. Well, check this out from our dear friends at ecorazzi:

That’s Jennifer Garner in a hydro 7-series BMW. Actually, it could be anybody, TSV wouldn’t care; the car is the celeb here. Now I’m sure this baby could be equipped in non-leather upholstery as TSV’s 3-series, son of god, is. Imagine for a moment – TSV could not only be the most stylish vegan on the planet, hell, the universe, but I could also be perceived as giving a rat’s ass about the environment as well! How fucking cool is that?!

Talk soon.

Well, sort of. You see, Vegan Nation, as the geopolitical winds continue to blow strongly with our inept government further pissing off the Russians, TSV thought he would check out the Russian propaganda side of the story. So as any knowledge seeking individual would do, I went right to the source; the Russian Pravda.

Now aside from upbeat and uplifting headlines like, “Russia may strike nuclear blow on Poland in case it deploys US Patriot missiles” and “War in South Ossetia may trigger new outburst of US-Russian rivalry”, TSV found this gem, “Vegetarianism proves to be perversion of nature”.

Complete with an odd accompanying photo;

the article begins with the line, “Vegetarians can be referred to as true fanatics”. And it only gets better from there VegHeads. “Some may say that there is enough protein in vegetables (beans, for example). True, but recent studies show that vegetable protein can be digested only with the help of its animal analogue.” Are you fucking kidding TSV?!

Believe me, I could quote this story all day, it’s unbelievably bizarre, but please go read it for yourselves. After reading TSV advises that you may want to see a doctor immediately since you will discover that you are dying of an endless list of health issues. But wait! There’s more!

Whilst there, take a look at some of the other vegetarian/vegan stories that Pravda is so obsessed with. Other articles drop such gems as “The specialists concluded that those eating a lot of pickled tofu have a lower brain activity.” Wow, The Stylish One better stay away from all those pickled tofu products I’m so fond of!

And of course this from still yet another article, “Children born into a family of vegetarian parents are shorter than children of non-vegetarian parents, they usually suffer from anemia and a deficiency of calcium and vitamins.” Is the Russian meat lobby really this strong?

But hands down, TSV’s favorite quote from another well-written article, (well actually there are many faves but this one is superb) “A lot of celebrities and public figures become vegans when they feel that they have had and accomplished all they could in life.” There it is, kids – the ultimate reason for going vegan! We’ve accomplished all we can in life so obviously there’s no where else to turn except to veganism. Suddenly I feel so good about myself!

Ok, Vegan Nation, there you have it, a freaky display of misinformation brought to you by “experts” and “specialists” of Russia. And they really want us to believe they’re the good guys?

Before heading out for the weekend, TSV was sent an email regarding fashion, yes, we do talk about that still, from Kevin regarding his new company The Vegan Collection. In addition to putting out affordable, animal-friendly shoes, Kev et al. donate 25% of all proceeds to organizations that are advocates for animals. Awesome!

Aight – have a great weekend all!

Vegan Nation, it’s been a while but The Stylish One has been incredibly busy. MSV and I hosted family for a week, threw a massive partay, watched Blue Angels scream through the gorgeous Seattle skies and, on a more morose note, hit a poor little woman who was crossing the street with my car. More on that later.

But a horror was brought to TSV in the form of an email from long time reader, Daniel P. You see, Mr. P wrote some of the saddest words I’ve ever read in an electronic mail. VegHeads, take a deep breath and then read this passage.

“You wrote an entry saying vermouth was vegan.” Daniel wrote, “From what I understand Martini (Martini & Rossi) brand vermouth is not suitable for vegan.” What???!!! No way, Jose! Say it ain’t so, Joe! Back on the bus, Gus…ok enough of that. Anyway, after picking myself up off the floor, TSV followed Sr. P’s link to Barnivore. Sure enough, life would never be the same.

Ahh..but maybe there’s a mistake. Maybe they didn’t read his email correctly. Maybe, just maybe, it’s some strange and sickening practical joke. Time for The Stylish Vegan to dig in. Something this incredibly important, needed research. And research I did… And wept I did. Yes, Veganistos, it’s true – this vermouth is vegan.

Yes, Vegan Nation, the operable word here is this. The Stylish Vegan doesn’t give up quite so easily especially when the king of all cocktails and my consumption of it is at stake. So emails are a-flyin’. If there is a vegan vermouth, and I’ve heard that Tesco used to offer one, TSV will track it down. Until then, the flag at Rumours will fly at half mast. The Stylish Vegan’s heart is aching – but surely it’s only temporary.

And about that woman who unfortunately found herself in front of TSV’s moving motor vehicle, well, thankfully, she’ll be just fine. Who knew so many people walked in Seattle?

Vegan Nation, as I’m sure you all know by now, the darling of talk tv, the princess of self-help, yes, Ms. Oprah Winfrey (I guess I didn’t realize She even had a last name), became a vegan…short term. You heard TSV correctly, a vegan!

Seems Oprah, a long time reader and supporter of The Stylish Vegan, (alright, not really) decided after speed reading, yes, a self-help book about cleansing her body (get that image out of your head now!), she decided to jump head first into an animal-friendly diet. And, VegHeads, The Stylish One is tres impressed.

Not one to miss an opportunity to bring more attention to herself, O, as we insiders are allowed to address her, is keeping a blog of the momentous occasion, known to her legion of screaming suburbanites as the 21-Day Cleanse. And, if that weren’t enough to wet your tailored underpants, she is even publishing all of the recipes on her site. Wow! Veganism gone mainstream America – who’d ever of thunk?

While this is all admirable to TSV, there is a wonderful opportunity here as well. Just think, more attention brought to veganism, more attention to non-abusive style, more attention to, you got it, The Stylish Vegan! How sweet is that, Veganistos?!

And our queen of couch potato syncophants, should be made aware of this push toward style and fashion that, I’m guessing, Ms. O, has no idea even exists. Just think of the possibilities! TSV makes an apparence on the show, with incredible fanfare, dressed impeccably in a jaw dropping display of sartorial vegan-ness. First comes the book deal, second, the film, the obligatory sequel and finally, the weekly show on The Style Network!

We can do this, Vegan Nation! Let’s get Ms. Winfrey to not only cleanse her holiest of bodies with a vegan diet, let’s pursuade her to veganize her entire wardrobe. Sure it’s one thing to give up meat and dairy and liquor….whoa, she gave up liquor too? – that’s beyond TSV’s comprehension. But to change a diet with a personal chef is one thing, to change your entire wardrobe, now we’re talking – that’s fucking heroic!

Ok, kids, here’s your link to contact the show. Let our wonder woman know about the joys of non-slaughterable fashion. If we join together in this crusade, The Stylish Vegan will be a household name in a matter of minutes. What are you waiting for?! My future fame is on the line!

And for a quick VegNews Frivolous Vegan of the Day, TSV brings you this, Kim Kardashian:

When a non-talent hosebag who is a celebrity for no reason other than pathetic moron’s need to worship shitty trash like this, proudly struts around in this tee, TSV wants to go out and drive around the block non  stop 100 times while throwing styrofoam containers out the window. Give me a fucking break!

The Stylish Vegan’s pleas to the world gods – Please, please get colder for a few consecutive years so we can officially put this bullshit to rest and not be subjected to another celeb on a shopping trip telling us not to harm the planet. That’s all TSV needs. Please??